PumaHottie (pumahottie) wrote,

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... and everynight we couldn't sleep...

N/A: u7yoo werd up..
N/A: i fuckin drunk.. hahas me ac dhric
N/A: pok i gotyta gho to bed now
N/A's Away Message: heheheh me anbd ***** are going to bed.. ause we erew drnyk.. leave one for the mornign... kk nigte nigte now.. s;eep[ tigt..

...Who the fuck are my friends?
I don't even fuckin' know anymore. I'm starting to realize that so-called "friends", well, aren't. Yesterday, I messaged one of my "friends" and told him that I was feeling depressed, and I needed someone to talk to, what'd he do? He went to bed. Now this. What the fuck. Honestly? What the fuck has gotten into everyone lately?! Every fuckin' one of my friends is going downhill. You're all out getting fuckin' wasted or high. Wicked fuckin' cool guys, really. Especially YOU... You told me you would never be like THEM we always used to joke around and say how we were the only "normal" people in Fulton. The only people who didn't need to go out and get drunk or high to have fun... Well, thanks for proving the theory wrong... Obviously, I am the only fuckin' normal one around here, and I am damn-fuckin' proud of it. I wont EVER be like them... or you...

Well, I find out about graduation tomorrow... I am so nervous, I have knots in my stomach, and my head is pounding, I feel extremly dizzy and weak... I have so many mixed emotions, and I really don't know how to deal with any of them. Part of me wants to hear "you'll be graduating next Saturday" the other part of me wants to hear that I wont be. I really dunno. I'm such a wreck right now. I wish things weren't this way.

Scenario #1 Gradute in June 2003
Positive - I get the fuck out, and never look back. I hate G. Ray Bodley High School. I've hated it for four years. One of the main reasons I wanna gradute is just because I don't wanna have to deal with the bullshit and drama that comes from that fuckin' school. I want out, sooo bad.
Negative - I miss Brad's graduation... It means a lot to him, and I want to be there more than anything. I am at the point where I hate my school so much, that even if I can graduate, I would STILL rather be at Brad's graduation... I wanna be there so bad... *sigh*

Scenario #2 Graduate in January 2004
Positive - I'd be able to goto Brad's graduation. I would be able to sit there and be a proud lil girlfriend. I am so proud of him, and I know this means a lot to him. I also know that he wants me to graduate, and wont be upset at all if I can't be at his graduation. I just wanna be there, so bad.
Negative - Going back to school for a few more months. It's hell in that place. I can't stand anything/anyone in that building now. I can't stand the way at looks, smells... I hate absolutely everything about it. I don't want to go back.

Now you all might understand why I am so torn. I can't even begin to tell you how much worse I would be if it wasn't for Brad support. I would be so gone without him...

Gawd, fuckin' help me... I just wanna get this all over with.

Lata, L.
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