PumaHottie (pumahottie) wrote,
PumaHottie
pumahottie

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These wishes I've wished... and these dreams I have chased...

You know, I really wish people would make up their fuckin' minds... Before I start complaining, and venting about my normal day-to-day stresses... lemme tell you about my amazing day with my man yesterday! *big smile*

Brad came over around 11:15am. However, I had to wait for my step mom to get home from the store with a article of clothing I needed... *cough* bra *cough*... So, we hung out around the house until 11:30ish. As you all know, I've been having numerous problems with my high school about graduation, so Brad talked me into going over to my school, and talking to my guidance counsler. We went over to the lovely G. Ray Bodley HS... I went in to talk to my counsler, who left me with as much knowledge about me graduating or not, as I had walked in with. I keep getting the same answer "when I know, I will call and tell you"... Well, gawd damn, I would REALLY like to know if I am going to graduate or not, because rehersal is Thursday! Anyways, while I was in Fallesen's office, getting my head packed with more useless information, that helped me none, Brad introduced himself to Mrs. Corey (the only guidance counsler at GRB with a brain...). She's been one of the 2 people I have actually gotten along with at that school. They seemed to hit it off pretty well. He likes her. She's a great lady. We left GRB, and again, I felt like I had wasted 15 minutes of my time. Just like how I feel when I left after my final exam on Monday, 4 years... wasted. We hopped into Brad's car, and headed back to Da 'Cuse. Hehe. We decided to goto Brad's and chill there for the afternoon/evening. Spending time alone together, (according to me) is much better than hanging out at a mall or something... You actually have time to talk, and cuddle. We spent the next few hours doing that. Around 6:30, we headed over to Brad's J-O-B place, Doug's... and picked up some food to bring home. Brad also had the idea of picking up my mom some Lobster Bisque to "butter her up"... It worked. lol! We came back to my house, and gave my step mom her bisque. I ate some of the yummy chicken, that Brad doesn't think is too yummy (probably because he's worked there for years... haha). As we were sitting at my comp, talking to Ryan, my step mom called Brad and I outside... She happened to see a baby bird trying to fly. Of course, my little sister, Britt was amazed... and Brad and I went out to play too. (awh, we're such little kids...) We ended up playing with the bird for 15-20 minutes, and decided to go swimming in my pool. Brad ended up wearing a pair of my shorts... Honestly, they aren't even mine, I have no idea where they came from, they just ended up in my closet one day, and I was like "hmm... alright!" lol... They're light blue guys mesh b-ball shorts... soo hey, Brad wore em. lol. The pool was ALOT colder than I expected. We took about 15-20 minutes just getting in... Brad ended up going in up to his waist, of course, you all know how I am... a little baby water-bug. Haha, I ended up getting all the way in, but we didn't stay in the pool long after that. We came inside, and ended up going to my room, to talk to Britt, and watch 'SPIDERMAN'... (Gawd, I can't get sick of that movie!) Britt asked Brad and I to sign her yearbook, so I took advantage of that, and made him sign too. He wrote, "Laura, Sweet Heart, Hunny, Baby, Darling, I love you so much! I have never felt so great or more complete in my entire life. I never imagined it could be this great. It was weird how we met. It was strange that we met through the internet, but even stranger that we were introduced by my best friend who orginally had hopes of getting somewhere with you. It has also been....... interesting... that I stole you from "The Prophet" Benjamin who will recieve and ass pounding at the hands of my bat. The best time that we have spent together was mt prom night. Prom itself was ... intersting... I guess. I had the most amazing night however. Your Dinner Dance was a different kind of fun but it was still great nonetheless. I wouldn't have danced for anyone else. That dates that I will never forget are 4/16/03, 5/16/03 and 5/23/03. I love you so much baby and I am positive that we will have many more memorable dates to come. "Ghetto Prince" Brad Michael Miller"... Isn't be precious?! He made one mistake though, He didn't "steal" me from Ben... I left, willingly. Britt ended up playing with Brad's cell phone for what seemed like hours. I think she was amazed. Damn technology. I finally managed to get the cell outta her hands, and we went back to the office to talk. After afew minutes of chatting, Brad had to leave. It was getting late, and again, we ran into the problem of him having to drive all the way back to Syracuse. I definately didn't want to make him wait much longer, because he would have started to get sleepy. We went outside, kissed numerous times, and said goodnight. Spending time with him is an amazing stress reliever. However... Because of school, and other obstacles, I am not able to spend every waking second with him, so, when I was hit with a brick of more stress this morning, I was not surprised... Talking to him about it, helps SOOO much though... He's so understanding. I love you hunny, and thank you so much for keeping me semi-sane through all of this.

Yesterday, my step mom saw one of the Vet. Technicians at the grocery store. She told my step mom about one of the other Technicians that had just quit, and how she just had a baby. I guess my step mom figured that they needed a little help, so she asked the girl, Stephanie, and she told my step mom to have me come over sometime to talk to the Vet. I woke up this morning, around 8:30am. We had someone coming to check out our house (I dunno for what, I only live here...) My step mom asked me if I had planned on going over to the office today to speak to Dr. Spier, and I said "I dunno" so, she called, and Stephanie told her to have me stop over there as soon as possible. I got dressed and went over to the office. I figured I would be there just to speak with him shortly, and to see if he needed a little extra help... but when he saw me come in, he smiled and asked if I would like to stay for the morning. I was all excited, thinkin' that since he was a friend of the family, and knew how I run a farm in my own home, that he had already thought about it, and was thinking about hiring me. I told him I would love to stay for the morning and help. He ended up taking me into the back room, where they do surgeries. I spent most of my morning watching surgery after surgery. The first dog was a dalmation. I thought that this was going to be tough on me, because my dog is a dalmation. He sat her up on the table, and showed me how to hold her while he gave her an injection to knock her out. I did, and the dog was out within seconds. This dog had 2 cancer causing moles on it's side. I watched as he removed both moles. After, he found another under the dogs eye. He then moved that one too. I watched as he stitched up the holes, and laid the dog on a mat on the floor until she could wake up. The next dog, was a little beagle who I made friends with earlier. I knew that I was gonna have to watch the same thing with him afew moments later, so I decided it would be best not to get too attached. This dog (who was just getting outta her puppy stage) has an inflammed toe, and it had to be removed. I held the dog as he knocked her out too, and watched as he removed her toe. This was alittle more complex watching than the first, because he had to break a bone off, using bone sheers, and the noise is enough to make you vommit. BUT, this is what I wanna do, and I continued watching. After he was done, I watched him remove the bone joint, so the dogs foot wasn't as deformed looking, and stitch her foot back up. He then wrapped her foot in a cute little neon pink tape. He had me gently pick her up, and lay her on the mat until she could wake up. The last dog was probably the most "icky" of the three. She was a doberman, and had a growth on her stomach. Dr. Spier had originially thought that it was breat cancer, however, after we put her to sleep, and opened her stomach up, it ended up just being a clump of fat. 10 minutes before I had to leave, Dr. Spier had told me that he didn't need any employee's as of right now, but I was more than welcome to come back whenever to watch or help out. I was alittle upset. I felt like he just needed a free-hand to help him out for the day, and that's all he needed me for. But, Stephanie gave me "a look" that told me to come back... So, from what I got out of her look, and what my step mom thought too, was that he is testing me before he gives me a job. He wants to see how serious I am about this, and most likely, if I end up going back, and showing interest and keep coming, he'll see how serious I am about this, and will hire me. I am hoping that's how it will be anyways. I ended up leaving before he was done with the 3rd dog, because my ride was there to pick me up. I had a great time. I mean, most people would be like "how could you have fun doing that?!" But really, it was the best time Ive had doing something hands-on as a "job", ever. When I told Brad about everything that had happened he said he "thinks I found my calling". Me too. I loved it... OMG... It was amazing.

I came home, and the whole "graduating or not" topic came up. My step mom is on a rampage, because graduation is less than a week away now... and we STILL don't know if I am going to be allowed to be in the ceremony or not. I am stressed. I have a guidance counsler who is telling me "it's gonna be alright... don't worry."... I have a vice-principal, who is telling me "to wait it out, and we'll see what happens"... and I have a educational director, telling me "there is no way you're going to graduate this June". Yep, I know what you're all saying "Does anyone know what the fuck they're talking about?" ... That's EXACTLY what I have been saying for the past 4 years. And I know the answer now. OBVIOUSLY NOT! I am so stressed, but I have gone over all of the possible outcomes, and managed to find ways to be happy with each. And right now, that's all that matters to me... Keeping myself happy. Outcome #1, I might end up going to summer school... but, I will be able to graduate the 28th. The positive, I will graduate with my class, and on time. Outcome #2, I might end up returning back to the dreadful halls of G. Ray Bodley High School, and taking a course until January. The positive, I will be able to attend Fowler High School's graduation, and watch Brad graduate. This is as stressful on him as it is on me. As much as he wants me to be able to watch him graduate, and be there, he's upset that I will never actually have a graduation ceremony. None of this matters to me. I just wanna be there to see him. I'm so proud of everything he has accomplished. I really don't think he truely knows. Brad and I talked about the possible outcomes earlier this evening, and things ended up pretty emotional. To give you all a minor idea of this, here is a small part of the convo that we had :

Laura: if i have to go back to school in sept. i wont graduate until january. alone. They hand it to me.. no ceremony... what-so-ever. Which brings me to this.. if i dont end up graduating until january... i dont wanna goto my school graduation... im a cynical bitter bitch when it comes to having to watch something that I should be involved in too, and cant be... id seriously go nuts. so, if thats the case... hopefully i can get out to yours :-D, somehow... maybe if we do alittle talkage to the parents, i can stay at ur house the night before, if u want *wink wink* but it's all up to you. If u cant pick me up the night before.. or whatever.. but you want me to goto ur graduation, ill be there.
Brad: i am speechless at what you have just said
Laura: speechless as in good... or speechless, as in "shes nuts"?
Brad: speechless as in "i cant believe you just said what you said about your graduation and my graduation, that even if you couldnt go to yours that you would skip it altogether just go to mine and be with me"... im amazed.
Laura: honestly. that school has caused me so much stress, pain and aggravation in the past its not even funny... not to mention... 99% of the people have done the same... so, am i going to want to go, and sit through a ceremony that was meant for me, but i cant be in because they have fucked me over numerous times... and im gonna sit there.. probably feeling like shit.. and most likely go home and cry... or am i going to go, be a happy and proud GF... and watch my man do something that means the world to him?
Brad: not only in that way but you made it seem as though it wasnt a big deal or maybe that is just your way of coping with it
Laura: i really do care.. i am so upset that there is a possibility...LIKELY possibility I should say, that I wont be able to go through the ceremony and stuff... but obviously, if thats how it is, it's not meant to happen yet.. and i dont wanna sit through it, and cause myself some un-needed and unwanted pain...seeing you happy makes me happy... and i was pissed that i couldnt be there... but now theres a possibility that i might be able to be...
Brad: i could cry right now babe
Laura: and seeing someone graduate that cares about me as much as i care about them is more important to me than seeing 20 people graduate that i care about who (in return, most) dont give a shit about me...
Laura: im teary-eyed, so if i get you there, im sorry.
Brad: im there
Laura: i know how much it means to you.. and i just wanna be there
Brad: i dont think you will know how mean that means to me that you said that... you amaze me all the time, i cant believe how lucky i have gotten. I would give anything right now to hug you and hold you.
Laura: i'm all emo
Brad: me too babe, im not the emotional type but it was too much for me

Wow... *sniffle*. He's so perfect. I love him so much. I just want to be there to watch him speak at Graduation, I am so proud of him. Everything that he did with "Ants In Space" and just at school in general is amazing. I'm sure from all of the stories I have told you all, you know what, and who was involved in the "Ants in Space" experiment that was on the shuttle Columbia... Brad was a large part of it. I couldn't even begin to explain to you all the hard work and dedication he put into the experiment. I couldn't even begin to tell you the minor details. I really wish I could. He deserves his 15 minutes of fame, and he'll get it. As far as anyone who wants more details about the experiment or whatever. Get ahold of Brad. I'm sure he wont mind talking to you about it.

Baby, I wanna be at your graduation so bad. Right now, the chance is 50/50... I want more than anything to be there smiling at you... But, if I can't be, you know I'll be there with you in heart. Whatever the outcome, I know you will be happy with either. Thank you so much for being there with me throughout all of this. You've kept my hopes alive, and given me all the strength that I have needed to make it through day-to-day. You're my everything. You're my celebrity. Remember, I am sooooooo proud of you, and I am, and always will be, your biggest fan. I love you more than anything!

Well, now that I think I have just written a novel a little longer than "The Grapes of Wrath"... I think I deserve PLENTY of comments. Right now, It's time to end this entry...

Until next time, L.
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