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PumaHottie

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(13 stars caught | catch a falling star)

Now and then, I get insecure... [04 Sep 2003|10:36pm]
[ mood | confused ]

... I don't even know where to begin.

I spoke to one of my ex's today. No, not the slut, or the jock, and not the psycho... the other one. For some reason, I have a vommit feeling in my stomach when we speak. I've never been hurt like he hurt me, I've never cried nearly as much as I did then, and I've never ever, ever, ever want to go through that again. We spoke for quite awhile. I sent him afew semi-recent pics. I was shocked when he commented by saying, (quote) "You look beautiful, like I still remember you" (unquote). Later in the convo, he said (quote), "you were a great thing that happened to me" (unquote). As flattered as I am, I remember one of the most hurtful things this ex had ever said to me. Something about a weight issue. Something about his friends thinking I was "too fat" for him. And when I found out that this was one of the many reasons why we broke up, I was furious. I still am. For someone who left me because his FRIENDS thought I was "too fat", he sure changed his mind quickly. I mean, with all respect to him, I am glad that he finally opened his eyes, and realized, first of all, that I am (according to him) "beautiful". Not only on the inside but out. But, after the lovely damage that all did on my self-esteem. Being called beautiful isn't what it used to be. Oh well. As far as being "a great thing that happened to him"... I'm glad he's realized that too. But, it took 5 years. I really dunno where I am going with this at all. It's just on my mind right now. To Him, I wish you all the luck in the world with your girlfriend. Thank you for the good memories. Even though they're gone now, I no longer can remember them... and lastly, even though it would have meant a lot more hearing it back then... Thank you for calling me beautiful.

Most of you don't know this, and I never planned on telling anyone. But throughout the past 4 years, I've had minor spurts (mostly thoughts) of an eating disorder. And before you all start pouring out sympathy, and begging me to allow you to help. That's not what I want, nor need. I've found exactly what I needed to cure my... "illness". And, it was Brad. My thoughts have pretty much vanished since I met him. So, I guess what I am trying to prove is that although Brad has proven to me numerous times before that he definately has the potential to be "the one"... He still surprises me by proving it more and more each day. I guess my "illness". Wasn't quite as harsh as others. I am beginning to doubt that it wasn't even an "illness" to begin with. I believe it was me, trying to live up to expectations of others. Trying to be something/someone I'm not. The cure for this... "thing" I had was, someone who cares about me for who and what I am. Not for what I try to be, or for what I'm not. Someone who finally cares about me, not because of my money, chest, physical appearence, lifestyle... etc. (I could go on forever). Finally, I have someone who loves me for Laura.

...And it's completely amazing.


Brad, I could write a long paragraph about how much I love you, and appreciate you. But, I'm sure you already know. Thank you so much for everything... and there is no doubt in my mind that you most certianly could be "the one". I love you.

Comments would be greatly appreciated,
L.

(1 stars caught | catch a falling star)

Evanescence... [29 Aug 2003|11:18am]
[ mood | bored ]

Choose a band/or artist and answer only in song titles by that band...
I choose : Evanescence
Write a few lyrics from the song that made you pick that song...

Describe what the bands name means :
ev·a·nesce
ev·a·nesced, ev·a·nesc·ing, ev·a·nesc·es
To dissipate or disappear like vapor.


Are you male or female: Imaginary
In my field of paper flowers
and candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
and watch my purple sky fly over me
Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming
Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights
Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming
the goddess of imaginary light...


Describe yourself: Whisper
I'm frightened by what I see
but somehow I know that there's much more to come
Catch me as I fall
Say you're here and it's all over now
Speaking to the atmosphere
No one's here and I fall into myself
This truth drives me into madness
I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away
Don't turn away
Don't give in to the pain
Don't try to hide
Though they're screaming your name
Don't close your eyes
God knows what lies behind them
Don't turn out the light
Never sleep, Never die...


How do some people feel about you: Give Unto Me
Why should I care if they hurt you
Somehow it matters more to me
Than if I were hurting myself
Save you (save you)
I'll save you
Give unto me your troubles
I'll endure your suffering
Place onto me your burden
I'll drink your deadly poison
Fear not the flame of my love's candle
Let it be the sun in your world of darkness
Give unto me all that frightens you
I'll have your nightmares for you
If you sleep soundly
Give unto me your troubles
I'll endure your suffering
Place onto me your burden
I'll drink your deadly poison


How do you feel about yourself: Missing
Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
Maybe someday you'll have woke up,
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
"Isn't something missing?"
You won't cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?


Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend: Everybody's Fool
Never was and never will be,
You don't know how you've betrayed me
and somehow you've got everybody fooled
Without the mask where will you hide?
Can't find yourself lost in your lie
I know the truth now
I know who you are
and I don't love you anymore
It never was, and never will be


Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend: Understanding (Wash It All Away)
Lying beside you
Listening to you breathe
The life that flows inside of you
Burns inside of me
Hold and speak to me
Of love without a sound
Tell me you will live through this
And I will die for you
Cast me not away
Say you'll be with me
For I know I cannot
Bear it all alone


Describe how you live: Hello
If I smile and don't believe
soon I know I'll wake from this dream
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken
Hello, I'm the lie living for you so you can hide
Don't cry
Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping
Hello, I'm still here


Describe how you love: October
I can't run anymore,
I fall before you,
Here I am,
I have nothing left,
You're all that I am,
Take me home,
I'm through fighting it,
Broken,
Lifeless,
I give up,
You're my only strength,
Without you,
I can't go on,
Anymore,
Ever again.
My only hope,
My only peace,
My only joy,
My only strength,
My only power,
My only life,
My only love...


Share a few words of wisdom: Breathe No More
I've been looking in the mirror for so long.
That I've come to believe my souls on the other side.
Oh the little pieces falling, shatter.
Shards of me,
To sharp to put back together.
To small to matter,
But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces.

(1 stars caught | catch a falling star)

Real Women Wear Orange... [26 Aug 2003|06:47pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

Well, Brad is officially an Orangemen! Ryan and I helped him move into his dorm last Wednesday. I know I've said it about 1,000 times, but I am extremely proud of him. Gerry McNamara better watch out, he's not the hottest guy at Syracuse University anymore! *wink*... Brad really does amaze me... I have the best boyfriend in the entire world. But, I am sure you all already knew that!

Yesterday Brad and I went to the New York State Fair. We had a pretty good time. Brad bought me a cute little yellow feather rose. I love it! It's really pretty, and it's not gonna die. Most of our money was spent on some lovely new Syracuse clothing. Brad picked up a really cute SU Jacket, and I decided to get mine too. I looked at the rack that the jacket I wanted was on, and it was $39.99. I didn't think it was super bad, since usually at the Syracuse University store, they're like $80.00. I picked it up off the rack, and headed to the cashier. I gave him the jacket, and he was like "this is $29.99, right?"... I wasn't about to say "no, it's $10 more, actually..." So, I didn't say anything, and the guy asked a lady to go check, she did, and said "Yep, It's $29.99". So, I paid for it. $29.99... Later that night, I put the jacket on. The frickin' jacket had not one, but TWO tags on it that said "39.99". Hey, Whatever... I'm not complaining. Haha. I also ended up pickin' up my "Syracuse... Real Women Wear Orange" shirt. (Pictured Below, LOL).

The Front
front

The Back
back

Cute, isn't it?!

There was suppose to be a family vacation this week. But, it was then moved to Thursday-Sunday. And as of right now, I don't know if that's even still on, or not. As for school, everyone has their schedules besides me. I decided to call my school today. They told me that my schedule would "be in my homeroom the first day of school"... *long pause*... I really fuckin' love how people plan ahead.

I got mine and Brad's ticket to the Denver Nugget game in Syracuse. Woo Hoo. I am excited. I finally get to see Carmelo play! Syracuse Basketball season is also quickly approaching... Can you say, Repeat Championship! Wooo, I'm getting really excited for that too!

Well, I guess that pretty much sums up my current life's standings...

1. Brad is officially a sexy Syracuse Orangemen!
2. I bought an SU jacket for only $29.99.
3. I finally got my "Real Women Wear Orange" shirt.
4. My family can't plan anything worth shit.
5. My school is still highly retarded.
6. I got mine and Brad's tickets to the Nuggets Game!
7. Syracuse B-Ball season is approaching!

Out 4 Now, L.

54 Days Until The Denver Nuggets Game in Syracuse... 68 Days Until The 2003-2004 Syracuse B-Ball Season Starts!...

(21 stars caught | catch a falling star)

14KGF... And alotta other BULLSHIT! [10 Aug 2003|07:14pm]
[ mood | satisfied ]

Well well, Angela has finally realized what a prick Ben is. It's about damn time, I was starting to miss the old clan... maybe things will eventually work out for us in the end. We've still got September - January, when the clan can be together. Thanks to me, who yes, will be attending GRB for a little longer than expected. But yea, We found some interesting details about that "human" (and I use that term loosely) named Ben. Angela wrote a poem to sum it all up, I figured there would be no better way than post her poem, and then explain to you what she's talking about... the blue is her poem, the white is me explaining it... here it goes...

He came across as God’s gift to girls,
Claimed that he loved me to death.
He promised me necklaces, diamonds, and pearls,
But really 14KGF.


Ben made Angela and I both feel like we were goddess' I guess that was a good part of him, he told Angela that he never loved me, and I never 'had him' like I thought I did. BULLSHIT, Ben was wrapped around my finger, and EVERYONE knew it... He promised Angela and I both a lot, cars, houses, jewelry... Well, Angela noticed her "rare" piece of jewelry that he spent $400 on was actually a 14KGF necklace... I knew what this meant, but I called a jewelry store in Syracuse to make sure, and I was correct... 14K Gold Faux... Faux, as in FAKE... just like him. Ironic, huh?

He said he played football...best in his class,
But an “injury” cut it all short.
What the world saw of him first was his ass,
So don’t even mention a sport.


Ben told me that he played football, and that is what happened to his arm. (for anyone that knows, Ben has a "bad arm") He told me he was a big Football Hero... with a scholarship to Harvard... until the injury. I thought this was a bunch of bullshit from the beginning. Then his family told me... (note: HIS FAMILY) that the reason his arm is bad, is because he was born ass first, instead of headfirst. hmm... The world saw his ass first... Irony again?

He thinks he’s as holy as holy can be,
Cuz he hangs out at night with a priest.
He sinned and he lied to Laura and me,
But it bothered him not at the least.


Ben is really into religion. Hey, that's cool. Except for the fact that he preaches to EVERYONE and hasn't even got his own beliefs straight yet. For example, would any TRUE Catholic you know threaten people with guns and death? Would any Catholic you know lie out of his ass 24/7 to people he CLAIMS he cares about? Would any Catholic you know disown his own family?... Nah, I didn't think so... Ben, you owe God 1,000,000 "Hail Mary's"...

He said he was rich and had a huge home,
I told him that it mattered not.
He wrote me some letters and even a poem,
The same ones that poor Laura got.


Ben sent Angela a house and claimed it was his own. It's funny, because the house he claimed he lived in was the same house he told me that his ex co-worker lived in. Funny, don't you think? Ben really wasn't as smart as Angela and I had thought... Hello, his cousin is my best friend, did he honestly think that we couldn't ask or find out what his house REALLY looks like?.... Ben also spent time surprising Angela and I with self-written poetry. First off, I'll be the first to admit that his poetry sucked ass. Not only was it terrible, but he also sent Angela the same poems he sent me, but just changed the name. Haha. What a great boyfriend. I wonder if he even wrote the poems, or how many females saw those poems before we did...

His poem didn’t rhyme, I hate to be mean,
He’s really not much of a poet.
It’s not only poems that have clever schemes,
Too bad we just didn’t know it.


Wow, it seems like Angela agreed with me. Haha. 'nuff said.

Who is this guy some refer to as Dave?
Can we be sure that he even exists?
Could it be that he’s just a cruel knave,
Ben tries to be when he is pissed?


I have always wondered who "DAVE" is... Ben always claimed to have this great best friend named Dave. But see, what we found ironic is, that everytime we would get in a argument with Ben, he would give up, and say we were right, just like every girls ideal boyfriend, but 10-15 minutes later "Dave" got online to continue the argument. Is Dave really a person? or is Dave really Ben, just trying to win the arguement after all? .... It's amazing how many similarities BEN and DAVE have... including typing, and punctuation. Hmm...

Why does he go with the Bishop for lunch?
And out to the movies as well?
Dunno about you but I have a hunch...
It’s sin that will send them to hell.


Bens best friend is the Bishop. Ben is constantly with him. CONSTANTLY. Whenever Angela fought with Ben, he'd run off with the bishop. Whenever I fought with him, same thing. "Bishop will know what to do"... Angela and I did a little back tracking, and after the numerous dinner and movie dates between Ben and Bishop, we're extremely curious whether this is another act of "sin" between the Church, and little boys... hmm....

Better watch out, he’s got a friend in the mob.
He just might pull out his gun.
But isn’t he just some make believe slob?
That dear Benny talks to for fun?


Ben claims to be "tight" with a mob. He also claimed that he owns numerous guns and weapons that he's threatened Brad and I with. Ben made up, everything. Nothing about his is real. He's sooo fuckin fake, just like Angela’s necklace.. which by the way, we are planning on going to Kay's and find out if my necklace is really platinum, or even really from Kay's. Ben's all talk. All talk, no act. Suck a chode, fuckface.

Could be be true that Ben is insane?
Over a fruit did I croon?
Just what goes on inside that brain
That makes him be such a loon?


People that cared about Angela and I constantly told us that Ben was a psycho. No one believed what he told us, everyone warned us. Yet, we believed him... How incredibly stupid of us, so stupid, our friendship was ruined because of HIM... He was definitely a waste of our 10 months.

I must admit though, he played a good trick,
I thought he spoke nothing but truth.
All he turned out to be is a dick
Who lied to us all through his tooth.


This is pretty self-explanatory. We both fell for his lies, and acts... EVERYTHING was a lie, the necklaces, the words... every fuckin' thing... Well, guess what Ben, You're a piece of shit... we don't need you. Never did. Never will. Chicks before Dicks... and that's EXACTLY what you are.... a DICK. A BIG, FAT, HAIRY, STD INFESTED DICK.

Let it be known that I am not hurt,
He thinks that I’m only a fool.
But I will be brief, I will be curt,
Liars will never be cool.


To sum it all up, Ben is the biggest pathological lair you could ever meet in your entire life.

I had no clue, I really was shocked,
Can’t believe that he is this way.
Stupid me...I was totally mocked,
I looked like an ass everyday.


He completely played us. Everyday was a new lie, a new "joke".... I guess you could say. Angela and I obviously must have looked like asses after that.

He pretty much hates all walks of life,
The Chinese, the Muslims, Dutch too.
He wishes and hope they just weren’t even alive,
Is that something Jesus would do?


He's racist... and he was fuckin' Jewish.... a racist Jew, how common in that? With all respect to Jewish people... Ben is a fucking dumbass jewish dildo. I'll be the first to admit, I haven't been to church in ages, but... last time I knew, Jesus did NOT support racism... This brings me back to proving how much of a "model Catholic" Benjamin Brown truly is.

What I liked most was that he was smart,
He really was not all that cute.
But I realize now he hasn’t a heart,
He’s just your typical brute.


Yea, I'll admit that Ben was smart. Unfortunately, he lacks common sense. Like, buying jewelry for a female, and claiming it is worth hundreds when honestly its gold faux... probably from his favorite store (that he called Angela and I from frequently)... Wal-Mart.

I’ve known of some hypocrites, liars, and whores,
He’s second to none said above.
Old St. Peter should shut the pearl doors,
When he hears Ben professed this false love.


It's true, outta all the people I have known and grown to dislike, Ben is definitely one of the top 3 people. Privilege huh? He told Angela and I that he loved us both, but took it back after. Hilarious. Simply amazing. Fuckin' piece of shit.

One thing he should know from all of this mess:
This is a game he simply can’t win.
Just because he was able to beat me in chess,
Don’t mean he’ll defeat me again.


Games over, Ben. You lose. The clan is slowly become tight again, and no one, including YOU, will EVER fuck our friendships up again. Rot in hell, you deficient casualty of your own unremitting mendacity…




A Message To Ben…
Because I know you will read this…

Well, well, well… I guess you’ve gone and fucked up again… I can’t believe some of the shit you lied to Angela and I about. I never “had” you? Bullshit asshole, you were wrapped around my pinky finger, and you fuckin’ know it. You’re NOTHING. Absolutely nothing. A waste of time, if that. What’s with this very rare necklace that you bought Angela? Yea, that really expensive one that says 14KGF on the back… FAUX… fake… just like you. You’re a moron, you really are… Did you think that a FEMALE couldn’t tell that jewelry was fake? The ten months Angela and I combined spent with you was worthless. Again, worthless like you. Hopefully now Angela realizes who truly cares about her, and who truly just wants to use her as a toy. Grow the fuck up. I also heard that you belittled Brad for working at a restaurant. Are you a fuckin’ moron? He makes a hell of a lot more than you do. Go out and get yourself a fuckin’ job before you complain about someone else’s job, dumbass. You’re unhuman. A waste, that’s ALL you are. Stay the fuck away from Angela and I. You’re nothing to us now. You no longer exist. And you might as well do us another favor, delete us from your memory too. We’re FAR too good for you. Rot in hell.

(catch a falling star)

Wont you kill me, so I die happy? [08 Aug 2003|08:00pm]
[ mood | hyper ]

Wow, it's definately been a very busy 2 days. Yesterday, Brad picked me up around 2pm, and we headed back to Da 'Cuse for the day. We headed back around 8:30pm. We stopped over to Doug's to get dinner for my step mom, cousin, and sis. We quickly headed back to F-Town. When we got to F-Town, we grabbed something for Brad to eat at Arby's. We went back to my house, chilled for a little while, and quickly realized that it was about 180* in my house. We tried sleeping on the couch bed, that didn't work, so, we tried laying on the floor, that didn't work either. So, we ended up sleeping in my dining room... Yeah, in the dining room, with the air conditioner. It definately wasn't the most comfortable night that we've spent together. haha. Anyway, Brad's alarm clock went off at 5:30am. He had to be home by 7am... So, he had to leave at 6am. We talked for alittle bit, then kissed eachother bye. He headed back to Syracuse, and I crashed on the (hot) livingroom floor.



I woke up this morning, and afew hundred people IM'ed me to tell me about the NBA Preseason game at the Syracuse Carrier Dome on October 19th. Read this for more information :

The last time Carmelo Anthony played in a game at the Carrier Dome, Syracuse fans chanted, "One more year! One more year!" When 25,000 fans showed up at the Carrier Dome to celebrate Syracuse's 2003 national championship, the chant was started up again - "One more year! One more year!"

Will one more game do?...

Anthony will return to Syracuse on Sunday, Oct. 19 as Denver takes on the Detroit Pistons in a preseason game at the Carrier Dome. Tip-off is scheduled for 6 p.m. Ticket prices range from $17.50 to $37.50 with VIP courtside seats going for $100. Tickets go on sale locally Aug. 16 at 10 a.m.

"I can't wait to return to the Carrier Dome and the best basketball fans in the country," Anthony said in a statement released by the game's promoters. "I was only there for one year but it ended up being the greatest year of my life."


I'm really excited about this... I am trying to get enough money for Brad and I to get tickets for the VIP Courtside seats... eep! =) I am planning on having a yard sale Wednesday-Friday to get some money. So, come by my crap... Oh, and donations are greatfully accepted! *wink*



I wasn't able to goto Warped Tour this year... I was really upset. "Klubbie" and Hollie went though, and they both did the best they could do to make me feel better about not being able to go. So, here are some Warped Tour memories... Klubbie and Holl, thanks a ton! =)

ticket
This is Hollie's Ticket.

chrisperf
This picture was taken by Klubbie of Chris Kasarjian performing. (For anyone who doesn't know, Chris is the lead singer of my favorite band, Count The Stars)

picks
These are guitar picks from Chris. The green one was thrown into the crowd, and Hollie got it. The yellow pick was given to her by Chris when she got the autograph's.

auto
This is the autograph picture from Count The Stars that Hollie got me. Chris, Dave and Adam all signed it. Clarke is the only one missing from this, but don't worry, I'll get him someday...

chrisandklub
Here's a great picture of Klubbie with Chris. Eep! =) I love it.

bite
This is Hollie's finger. So, you're asking yourself, what does this have to do with Warped Tour?... See those 2 red marks on her finger? Well, when Chris threw the pick into the crowd, Hollie and some other girl got into a fight over it. The red marks are BITE MARKS from the other girl... just thought it would be interesting to add... *wink*


Anyways, that's all for now.

8 Days Until The K-Rockathon

(catch a falling star)

The Stiffmister... [04 Aug 2003|11:20pm]
[ mood | loved ]

Brad was able to make it back out to Fulton last night. As soon as he got here, we headed straight to Oswego so we could grab something to eat at "The Loop", and then head over to the Oswego Movie theater to see American Wedding. Our first stop was "The Loop". It was sprinkling a little bit when we got there, but after we ordered it started storming bad. Since it was so bad, no one wanted to go outside to their cars to eat, all the tables and chairs were taken, so Brad and I ended up putting our tray of food on top of the garbage can, and eating standing up... The storm was really bad for a few minutes, Brad and I went outside for 2 minutes, and ended up soaked. There was also a really bright flash of lightning which seemed to be a few feet away, and then the thunder was extremely loud, it knocked out the power for a second, but it didn't stay out. As soon as the rain calmed down, Brad and I went to the car, and headed over to Bev's Ice Cream Shop to get some ice cream! MmmmMm... hehe. Anyway, we headed over to the theater to catch American Wedding at 7:40pm. American Wedding was great. I think it is my favorite of the three so far. You all should go see it. During the movie, Bobby called Brad's cell phone. Awh, I miss him. He's away on vacation, and his computer is broke anyway. I haven’t talked to him in quite awhile, so when we got back home, I called him while Brad was in the shower. We talked for quite awhile. After I got off the phone with Bobby, I hopped in the shower, and soon after, Brad and I crawled into bed to catch some Zzz's. We woke up bright and early this morning. I had school... I can't wait until this school bullshit is over with! January couldn't possibly come any quicker. Brad got me up, he's always the first one up, and we headed over to the Education Center. As soon as I left for school, Brad headed back to my house to rest for 2.5 hours, while I was at school. At 10am, Brad picked me up from the Ed Center. We stopped at Dunkin Donuts to get a bite to eat for breakfast. As soon as we got back to my house, we both were ready to crash. We took a nap, until about noon, when my living room got way too hot for either of us to stand it anymore. When we woke up, we crawled onto the floor to cuddle until 1pm. At 1pm, we turned on Unsolved Mysteries. You all know I can't miss that show. We watched it together, it wasn't one of the good ones, so we just cuddled and watched. Brad had to leave at 2:30pm, to head back to Syracuse for work, so we spent from 2pm-2:30pm playing around. Just our usual tickling and kissing. He's adorable... it's only been 2.5 hours since he left, and I miss him like I haven't seen him in weeks.

I was bored and playing online with horoscopes and stuff, and I ran into this, it’s quite lengthy, so I highlighted important parts. Or stuff that just caused me to go “wow”. Pretty weird stuff… enjoy! ...


Relationship Potential for Laura and Brad

Birth Data for Laura: Laura, March 1, 1985, Syracuse, NY
Birth Data for Brad: Brad, January 21, 1985, Syracuse, NY


SECTION I: How Laura Relates to Other People

Yours was not a happy childhood and, while there is nothing you want more than a close love relationship, you may also fear it. You probably have an active sex life but may have some discomfort acknowledging feelings of love, dependence or vulnerability.

Brilliant and original as you are, you can also be difficult and unpredictable. Close ties may complain they never know when you are going to show up or what you're planning next. You are easily bored and love people who can both stimulate and surprise you.

There is nothing humdrum about the way that you love. You have a flair for the unusual and the creative and are drawn to those who shun the conventional. You shy away from those who tend to be over-possessive. Your love affairs are also wonderful friendships.

Details are not your cup of tea. You are fascinated by philosophy and the world of ideas. You are a great talker and reader and your best companions will be those who share your concepts and ideals. You prefer professional people with a certain flair.

You're not awfully good at being disagreed with. You delve into matters, think them through thoroughly and expect your conclusions to be universally shared. Flexibility is not your strong suit. No one should try to lie to you or keep things from you. Somehow you ferret out others' secrets although you keep your own.


SECTION II: How Brad Relates to Other People

Yours was not a happy childhood and, while there is nothing you want more than a close love relationship, you may also fear it. You probably have an active sex life but may have some discomfort acknowledging feelings of love, dependence or vulnerability.

You need to be close and you need to be free. This is a major life conflict which has always created complications for you in close personal relationships. One manifestation of this may be a tendency to pursue the unavailable or the unreliable.

You are restless and independent and, no matter how close you become to someone, you always remain your own person and there is a part of yourself you cannot share. You are uncompromisingly true to your convictions which must be shared by those close to you.

Power struggles plague your relationships. Either you become the dominant partner out of a fear of being controlled or you become very passive, controlling indirectly through guilt or manipulation. Your father may have been emotionally abusive to you.

You are creative and charming. You speak well, live well and are fond of people who have taste, wit, good manners and share your aesthetic interests. Your emotional ties must also be on your intellectual level or your interest will soon begin to wane.


Part 1: Planets and Aspects

Your relationship may not be so much an emotional relationship as it is an intellectual one. Yours is perhaps a relationship where you can exchange thoughts and ideas, study, research, spend hours in conversation and enjoy mental stimulation rather than physical. For you, sex takes place mentally rather than physically. Rather than having an emotional rapport, you may be more detached and logical in your relationship.
Your conversations will be excellent and since you have so much in common, you probably think the same ways about life in general. You will have no trouble understanding what the other person is talking about. There are very meaningful discussions indicated here and should you be involved in creative or business ventures together, then this aspect is an added boost for the conception of new ideas.
You can feel very close to each other with this aspect, without feeling vulnerable, and doing your "own thing" will be a prerequisite for the two of you. Trips and travel, whether local or long distance, are also part of this aspect. Sitting still may be difficult for you both.

Sun Semisquare Mars

3.At the very least you excite each other and arouse very strong energies within your partner and you will have to learn how to handle passion, anger and conflict in positive and creative ways. You will find that when you are together that you can be extremely competitive, anxious, boisterous, and energetic. If you are looking for a relationship that is quiet and calm, then you have the WRONG relationship here. But if you harness all of this energy to create something, then you can make wonders happen together. The desire to win, to compete, to excel, to make war instead of peace, to encourage each other to succeed and to be courageous exist in this truly dynamic aspect. Remember, however, that because these energies are so aggressive and irritating, they must be channeled constructively or very negative results will occur. If you allow the negatives to operate, then the question is, "Which one of you will be the bigger bully to the other?". This combination demands activity and accomplishment and that should be the underlying element in your relationship. Because this aspect also generates a great deal of heat, the sexual, lustful and communicative levels will all be quite intense as well.
There is a great deal of self-confidence generated here, so try not to force issues beyond a workable level. Games of competition, physical exertion and sports are an excellent way to use this tremendous energy. As with other intense energies, you must be careful how you use this energy so you do not hurt other people around you. Because this aspect is so impulsive, you should be careful that the aggressive nature of this energy does not turn into anger and that you do not resort to physical abuse or injury to settle your differences.


Brad's Sun Conjunct Laura's Jupiter

There is a tremendous amount of good will, optimism, and enthusiasm in your relationship. Laura draws out Brad's optimism and self-confidence and is able to assist Brad in discovering new possibilities and avenues for growth. A shared vision, philosophy, or goal for the future gives vitality to your relationship.

Brad's Sun Square Laura's Pluto

Your relationship is intense and complex. You engage in deep, intense discussions and encounters that unveil your innermost thoughts, feelings, goals, hopes, fears, and ambitions. This is not a superficial relationship! You are very uninhibited with each other, and you open up to each other more readily than to others. You have a profound influence upon one another, for good or ill.


Pretty freaky, huh? I guess that’s all for now.

Until next time, L.


*COMING UP…*

August 12th is Laura’s last day of Summer School, woo-hoo! … K-Rockathon is August 16th 2003, 12 more days! … August 16th is also Laura and Brad’s 4 Month Anniversary! Awhhh, How cute! … August 20th Brad is moving into the Syracuse University dorms, Laura’s decorating his room! woo-hoo! Congrat‘s to my very own sexy Syracuse Orangeman! … That’s all “the news” for now… Stay tuned until next time! *wink!* -Laura

(catch a falling star)

Goodnight Kisses... [03 Aug 2003|01:41pm]
[ mood | excited ]

its how i can listen to his voice all night and never get tired
its how just thinking about him makes me smile
and its how there is no one else in this entire world that i would rather be with
hes my everything...


I thought that was beautiful when I read it, it reminds me so much of my man...

Wednesday night, I was feeling a little down. So Brad, being the best boyfriend in the world drove all the way back out to Fulton, just so he could sleep next to me. I spent all day Wednesday while he was working, making him a laundry bag for college. How incredibly adorable am I? haha... I also made him Dinner the other day. I went to the store to get everything I needed to make it just the way he likes it... Angel hair spaghetti, Ragu meat or traditional spaghetti sauce, with italian bread, and meatballs. I even surprised him with a lemon meringue pie, his favorite. I was completely amazed when he was so appreciative of those things that I did for him. Wow. No one really has ever thanked me for doing stuff like that for them. It made me feel great. Someone actually thanked me. Haha. Anyway, Wednesday, we curled up on the floor, and soon decided that sleeping on the floor wasn't fun. We opened up the couch bed and curled up there, and soon fell asleep holding eachother. My alarm clock went off at 6am Thursday morning, it was time for school, woo-hoo. We got up, got ready, and went over to the Ed Center, where Brad waited with me until I had to go. Normally I wouldn't write about school, but Thursday really pissed me off. I got to school, and my teacher was like "we have a choice today, do you guys wanna work, or watch a movie?" obviously, everyone voted on the movie. Normally we would watch a movie that has to do with what we're reading or whatever. But no, he pulls "Tommy Boy" off of his desk and pops it in the VCR... *long blank stare* I don't really know if I am pissed or not, I mean, yea, a movie... but, c'mon I got up at 6am, got on a ugly cheesebox for a 30+ minute drive to school, to watch "Tommy Boy"?! It was definately a waste of a good morning of sleep. Anyway, Brad had to go back to Syracuse Thursday morning, because he had a work meeting at The MoST*. As soon as the meeting was over, he headed back out to Fulton to pick me up, he arrived around 12:30pm. We hopped into his car and headed over to the Fulton courthouse, so Brad could pick up some papers to get his speeding ticket reduced. After that, Brad was hungry, so we stopped at Arby's. Steve was just getting outta work, so I got to say Hi, and give him a hug. After we went to Arby's, we headed over to K-Mart, to pick up afew things for colleg for Brad. He ended up getting quite afew hygiene products, like toothpaste, shampoo, deodorant, etc. We also picked up afew other things, like a cute small little stapler, and a dry-erase board. We left K-Mart and headed to Great Northern to pick up some food for Star at the pet store. After that, we went to Brad's house and chilled there for a few hours. We eventually called up Ryan, and we all decided to goto Carousel Mall for awhile to chill. After spending an hour looking for a parking spot (ok, it wasn't an hour, but it seemed like it)! We went into the mall, and I was like "guys, I gotta pee"... Brad and I headed to the bathroom and Ryan headed to PacSun to find out some details, I guess. (By the way, everyone say congrats to Ryan! He got the job at Pacific Sunwear!) Anyway, when I came out these two girls walked past me laughing their asses off, and one goes "Haha, SORRY!" I'm like ooooooook... So I walk up to Brad, and I'm like, "Did I miss something?" and he told me that one of the girls asked him for her number, and she was practically begging him for it, even after he told her that he wasn't going to give it to her, and that his GIRLFRIEND was in the bathroom. So I was like "Let me go talk to her..." and I started walking back towards the bathroom, and Brad grabbed my arm. He then told me that she was young. Grr, lucky bitch... I definately would have went back in there if he said she was over 16. He's M-I-N-E! No one elses. Brad and Ryan wanted to goto Hooters, because it used to be an old Brad and Ryan tradition, but, lately they haven't had the time to do it. I was a little "ify" about going in there at first. Personally, the site of ass cheeks and tits hanging outta shorts and shirts while I'm trying to eat makes me wanna vommit. But, I didn't wanna piss the guys off, so I went for it. It really wasn't bad. I just found it pretty humorous that the first 3-4 waitresses I saw had all been recent graduates from my high school. So, THAT is where they all go. Haha. We got some food, Ryan had a burger and a soda, while Brad and I each had a soda, and split an order of cheese fries. Sometime, after Ryan managed to throw a wadded up straw wrapper down my shirt, we started talking about me getting a job at Hooters. LoL, that's funny, huh? It would be pretty nice working there, flaunting my tits to get a nice big tip. Haha. I guess I have about 2 years to think about it. We also started joking about what would happen if I was a waitress there, and Brad was a cook. I definately would see it like that scene in Coyote Ugly, you know, when her boyfriend comes into the bar, and sees a guy all over her, then he ends up with a broken nose? Haha. My man is protective, I love it. We were all gonna go see a movie together, but decided against it, since Ryan had to be home at 9pm. Ryan took us back to Brad's house, where Brad and I chilled for another hour or so before heading back to my house. We got to my house around 11pm. Brad was already really sleepy, so we curled up on the bed and shortly after. We kissed eachother goodnight, said our "I love you's" and went to sleep. Friday morning, Brad had to be home kinda early because he had to pay someone some money that he owed. Saturday night after work, Brad headed back out to Fulton, again, just to sleep next to me... Isn't he incredibly cute? We ended up going to Dunkin Donuts to get something to munch on, because brad hadnt had anything to eat all day. Then we came back to my house curled up said I love you.. and went to sleep. I woke up, with Brad next to me, all dressed and ready to go. He had to get back home so he could get ready to goto work by 11am. I got up with him and said bye for now... bye, hopefully until 5-6pm tonight... heh. Hopefully, Brad can make it out here tonight, and we're gonna go see American Wedding. I miss him already, and can't wait until later.

Baby, You're so amazing, I love you sooo much! =)

-L

Laura is the #22 most common female name.
0.51% of females in the US are named Laura.
Around 650250 US females are named Laura!


*INSERT LAURA'S LAST NAME HERE* is the #15808 most common last name.
0.001% of last names in the US are *INSERT LAURA'S LAST NAME HERE* .
Around 2500 US last names are *INSERT LAURA'S LAST NAME HERE*!


Brad is the #219 most common male name.
0.073% of men in the US are named Brad.
Around 89425 US men are named Brad!


*INSERT BRAD'S LAST NAME HERE* is the #7 most common last name.
0.424% of last names in the US are *INSERT BRAD'S LAST NAME HERE*.
Around 1060000 US last names are *INSERT BRAD'S LAST NAME HERE*!



13 Days Until The K-Rockathon

(catch a falling star)

[28 Jul 2003|03:04pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

I guess it’s time for some updatage, since I was able to spend an amazing 15 hours with my equally amazing boyfriend recently.

Brad and I had been planning on attending a Sky Chief’s baseball game for as long as I can remember. The opportunity finally came about when Brad’s place of employment (one of the two) had a sorta, “work party” at a game on Sunday. Plans begin fitting together early last week. My Step-Mom had this brilliant idea… Since Brad was working at The MoST* on Sunday, and since my little sister, and cousin have been dying to spend a day at The MoST*, her and I would take the kids there that day, and when they left, I would stay, and wait for Brad to get out of work. This would have made life easy. Brad wouldn’t have needed to drive out to Fulton to pick us up, and if that had to happen, we would have been late for the game. Earlier in the week conflicts started happening between my step-mom and I, over really dumb things. I knew that this would ultimately lead to a problem on Sunday. I woke up Sunday morning, and soon realized that I was the only one home. Of course I was pissed, once again, plans that I had figured out get fucked up because of other people. Around noon, I got online all pissed off. Not long after, Ryan messaged me, and told me he was bored, and I told him about my dilemma. Immediately, Ryan offered to come pick me up and bring me to The MoST*. Wasn’t that nice of him?! Sometime, between the time Ryan messaged me, and this point, my step-mom walked in the house. I decided that I would ask her if it was alright if Ryan came to pick me up and bring me to Brad. And of course, her answer was no. She proceeded complaining that I have done “nothing” all week. (Which, I guess, she is right. Because, why work my ass off when I get absolutely no rewards, not even a thank you? ). So, I asked her if I got my room and my dad’s office cleaned by 2pm, if Ryan could come pick me up between 2:30-3pm, she never really answered, all she said was “there is no way you will get these two rooms cleaned in two hours…”. I just ignored it and began cleaning. I started cleaning the office first, I threw all the stuff that was mine in here into my bedroom. Then, I decided to be helpful, and clean the hallway too, while I was in the process of overhauling the entire house. I got the office and hallway cleaned by 1:30pm. I realized I didn’t have a lot of time left to prove her wrong, so I quickly cleaned my bedroom. When I completed my slave-labor, I looked at the clock, 2:02p.m. Damn, I am good… I went outside, where my step mom was talking to family, and said “I’m done, can I go now?”, she just said “yes”. So, I ran back inside. I was just about to pick up the phone to call Ryan, and the phone rang, I picked it up, and it was Brad. He said “Ryan is here”. Good thing I didn’t pick up the phone 2 seconds earlier to call Ryan, huh? So, I talked to Ryan, and he told me he would be at my house in about 45 minutes. I quickly got dressed and ready. By the time I was done getting ready, my dad came in the house and said “Laura, Ryan’s here.” So, I ran out the door, and hopped in the car with Ryan. We headed straight to The MoST*. Riding in a car with Ryan honestly isn’t that bad… RYAN ACTUALLY TURNS HIS RADIO TO HOT107.9 EVERY ONCE AND AWHILE… *cough* Brad… *cough* (I’m playing with you, Hun!)… We got to The MoST*, and Brad told me he was just telling a few of his co-workers that we should have been there by now. Of course, Ryan jokingly said we had “stuff” to do. Haha. Ryan’s a geeker, and of course, Brad gave him “the look”, that really hot look, that kinda says “back off, she’s mine”… MmM, he’s so adorable when he does that. Anyways, I hung out at the admissions desk (that’s where Brad works at The MoST*) for about an hour and 15 minutes. We left there around 4:30pm. (Actually, it was 4:26pm, because his co-workers jokingly told him he couldn’t leave for another 4 minutes). We sat outside with Ryan for a little while waiting for Brad’s mom to come pick us up. She picked us up, and brought us back to Brad’s so he could get changed outta his work clothes, and get ready for the game. Brad noticed that his tickets were MIA, and soon realized that they were victims of the washer and dryer. My Baby is such a goof… He called someone from work though, and she had extra tickets, and told him she would meet us outside of the stadium. We ended up staying at Brad’s for an hour or so. We hopped into Brad’s car, and headed over to P&C Stadium. Met that lady that had our tickets, and then went up to this deck-area on the top-floor of the stadium. We were right between 3rd base and home. We mingled a little bit with the “Dewitt Doug’s Crew” and watched the game. It was the first game I have been to that the Sky Chief’s actually didn’t suck. The hit 4 homeruns, which was something I’ve never seen them do. I also have to mention the fly ball that the Rochester team hit, that ended up coming up to the platform thing we were on, bouncing on the table that had the food, and flying up and hitting some lady in the face. I was in the bathroom, I missed it all, but Brad told me about it as soon as I got out. Don’t worry, the lady wasn’t badly hurt, and by the comments made by some of the Clay Doug’s employee’s she wasn’t well-liked either. Haha. Towards the end of the game , I called my step mom and asked her if Brad could spend the night. She said she didn’t care. Honestly, I think that Brad and I should switch families. Mine seems to get along with him better than that do with me. The Sky Chief’s actually won, 6-1. After the game we headed back to Brad’s house so he could pick up something to sleep in, and of course, his “must-haves”, deodorant, and cologne. We headed straight back to F-Town. We got to my house at about 10pm. We chatted with my step mom for a few minutes (She’s always very nice and polite when he is around). We just did random things around the house for awhile, anything from chatting online and watching TV to playing KOC. Soon enough Brad decided that we had to go shopping, because there was no pepsi in my house… Brad can’t live without his pepsi. We walked up to the gas station and grabbed a pepsi, and walked back. We then crawled in bed, I turned on Mr. Deeds, but sometime while I wasn’t looking, Brad turned it to The Godfather. Oh boy, I’ve never seen that movie, but that dudes voice… IT DRIVES ME NUTS. I laid down before we decided to turn off the TV and talk. A little while later, we both got up and were kinda hungry. We headed to the kitchen. I was really craving a bagel, but when I opened the frickin bagels, they were green. Umm, eww?! So, I ended up having Frosted Flakes, and Brad ended up munching on a Reese’s ice cream sundae thing, and Doritos. I definitely couldn’t help but think how cute we’re going to be when we live together, and get up in the middle of the night to do silly things like snack, or just talk. We also realized yet again, that our time together is precious. So, we live up every moment to the fullest. That’s probably why neither of us wants to spend our time together sleeping, especially when we don’t know when the next time we’ll get to spend together is. After we munched, we went back to my room, and ended up playing “The Question Game” until we got tired. We asked each other questions, and we’d answer. Fun huh? It’s actually kinda fun… Especially at 2:00am, when you can’t sleep. Eventually, I set my alarm clock for 5:45am, we kisses each other goodnight, and fell asleep holding each other. At 5:45am, my alarm clock went off. I woke up, and was dead, I quickly decided that I didn’t wanna get up right away, and that I’d reset my alarm clock for 6:15am. As I moved over to reset it, Brad woke up, and looked at me, I told him I was going to reset it for 6:15am, and he said “ok”… then I kissed him on his lips and said “I love you” and he replied with “I love you too”. I laid back down and quickly fell back asleep. Right before 6:15am, Brad woke me up complaining that I was going to be late for school, then he said “I thought you set your alarm for 5:45am?!” I was like “I did, I woke up and reset it, I told you, you said ok, kissed me and said you loved me.”… He honestly doesn’t remember any of that though, which I think it really cute. I love muh hunny. *big smile*. So, we hopped up got dressed and headed out the door. I decided to go get on the East Side bus, because that’s where Spano’s Mom was dropping him off in the morning. (we normally get on at the high school, which is the west side bus). So Brad brought me over to the Education Center, and of course, he stayed with me until the bus came. When the bus finally came, I kissed Brad ‘bye’, and kissed him a few more times and hopped on the bus.

And that, was my amazing 15 hours with my man… So far, Brad and I are planning on spending Tuesday and Thursday together, possibly both nights, maybe just one, who knows, we never know until the last minute. Haha. I am sure you’ll hear about another one of my amazing days/nights spent with muh baby soon though… Don’t you worry!

Until then, L.

19 Days until the K-Rockathon

(catch a falling star)

Foh Shizzle... Fuckizzle. [23 Jul 2003|10:46pm]
[ mood | excited ]

I'm definately running alittle behind on journal updating, so... just a warning, this will be, again, quite lengthy.
Thursday, My grandparents and I drove up to Syracuse, both for different reasons, they were dropping me off to see muh man, while they went to see my mom at the hospital. Yea, I know it sounds super low of me, but, I hate hospitals, and my mom knows it, and understands it. So, we're headed to Syracuse and my grandpa is driving 10 miles below the speed limit, while everyone else is driving 10-15 above, I thought I was going to die. Luckily, I made it there alive... Most of the day was spent cuddling, like usual. Of course, 2 hours of my time was wasted on someone. Just for the record, I wanted to give up, HE was the one that said he wasn't trying before, and wanted to try this time. Of course, I was stupid, and believed him that the bullshit was over. Anyways, after I wasted two hours on him, I crawled back into bed with Brad and again, more cuddling. Around 8:30pm, Brad and I went over to Cap's Cue Club to play some pool. I really hate the big pool tables. I like the small ones. I sucked pretty bad, except for afew minutes towards the end. Brad is usually really good, of course, he was still alot better than me, but he wasn't playing his best Thursday night either... I'm tellin' ya, it's those damn big tables. haha. We left Cap's around 10:30pm, and headed back to Fulton. We were planning on grabbing something to eat, and renting 8-Mile, but by the time we got back, the video store was closed. We headed back to my house, cuddled, and fell asleep holding eachother. We woke up pretty early, because my grandparents were getting things in the house situated for my mom to come home from the hospital at 2pm. We decided to go over to the video store, and rent 8-Mile so Brad could watch it (he hadn't seen it yet) before he went to work. (You all know me, I've seen it about 80 times... haha. We watched 8-Mile, I think Brad thought it was decent. He's not really a huge Eminem fan though. After 8-Mile, it was time for Brad to head home, because he had to be home by 2pm, to get ready for work and stuff. We kissed a few times, and then he headed back to Syracuse. While leaving Fulton, my man recieved his first speeding ticket... Something he really didn't need, because college is already costing him and arm and a leg (maybe even 2)... He said that the cop was really nice though, and that he told him he could probably get the ticket reduced. His court date is July 31, in Fulton. I love you baby, even though you are such a bad bad bad boy... *wink*

Sunday, Brad called me up during his break at The MoST* like usual. He was telling me that him and Ryan might do something after work, but they didn't know what they wanted to do. I jokingly said "ask him if he wants to bring you out to see me...". Before I knew it, joking around turned into complete seriousness. Brad asked Ryan, if he wanted to do something with Brad, Hollie and I, and Ryan was all up for it. So after work, Brad and Ryan headed out to Fulton, and left all the plan-making up to me. We all mentioned going to a movie, but the guys wanted to see "The Hulk" and it wasn't playing anywhere, so I figured on another movie, but then we all realized we were broke. I called Hollie to see if she had money, and to let her know that the guys had already left Syracuse, and she was no place to be found. I mean, this always happens... ANYTIME I make plans, no matter how big or small it may be, everything blows up in my face, people end up M.I.A. I've always said that I wanted to plan my wedding, I didn't want much help, I wanted everything to be planned and designed by me. After my past planning experiences, I'm starting to think about hiring a wedding planner. Anyway, Brad and Ryan finally arrived, and I asked them if they just wanted to rent movies instead, they both agreed. But, we still couldn't find Hollie. After 30-45 minutes, I got ahold of her, and we went over to pick her up, and then over to Video One to rent movies. Never ever, rent movies with males. haha. We ended up with Terminator 2 (because Hollie hadn't seen it yet), Pumpkinhead, and Knockaround Guys. We ended up watching Terminator 2 first, because Hollie wanted to watch it before she had to go back home. After we brought Holl home, Ryan, Brad and I decided to watch Pumpkinhead, but when we put it in, it was all static. Grrr. So, I put in Knockaround Guys... I really wanted to see it, because it's the only Vin Diesel movie I haven't seen yet, but I fell asleep. I felt Ryan get up and crawl on the couch while the movie was playing. Then I heard Brad turn the TV off, and I woke up. We talked for afew minutes, kissed eachother goodnight, then fell asleep. We woke up pretty early on Monday morning, because I had to be to school by 6:45am, and Ryan had to get up and headed back out to Syracuse to drop Brad off at home, and still have time to get ready and be to work by 8am. Ryan gave Brad the keys to his car, so he could bring me over to school. I kissed Brad "bye", so he could head back to my house to get Ryan, so they could go back to Syracuse.

Monday, I found out that Ed is in a coma. I really can't explain how I felt when I heard that. I never thought that knowing one of my online friends was hurt would impact me that much. I hope this makes him realize what drinking can do, *sigh*. I honestly tried to warn him... I knew something was going to happen. It makes me feel even worse, since he called my cell, and left a voice mail the other day that said "you should call me back", and I couldn't. Now, I can't talk to him, for god knows how long. I miss checking my voice mail and hearing him... when he actually does leave me a message.. or when his cell is in his pocket, and he calls by mistake. I don't even have any messages saved from him. (They delete after 10 days). I was cleaning my room on Tuesday, and ran into a picture I had printed out along time ago of Ed and "Wood". I thought I was going to completely break down in tears, but I managed to hold them in. The picture is now on top of my fish tank... *sigh*... Ed, as much as I wanna bitch about alcohol right now, I wont... just please get better hun, I miss ya, I luv ya, and I'm thinking about you.

Tuesday, Yesterday, was Brad's only day off this week. Of course, my step mom laid on the guilt trip again, and I just decided that it would be best if Brad came to see me, and we hung out at my house. Brad arrived at my house around 1pm. We cuddled for afew minutes, before I started working on my bedroom alittle bit more. My little sister asked Brad is he would play some Nintendo64 with her. Seeing them play was adorable, I can't wait til I can start my own family. And hopefully, it will be with him, and hopefully, instead of playing Nintendo64 with his sister-in-law, it will be one of our children. I wasn't planning on asking if Brad could spend the night, but I decided to go for it, I called up my step mom and asked her... her reply "I really don't care". Hmm, that worked for me. Haha. The rest of the night was spent together, cleaning, playing, talking, cuddling... etc. We headed out around 9:30pm to go shopping. haha. We ended up stopping at the lovely Big K. Brad saw a familiar face, so, we got what we needed and left. We headed over to get a bite to eat while we're out, since my family decided to have hotdogs and mac and cheese for dinner, at 10pm. Haha. We got back to my house, headed into my room and got changed for bed. Brad hadn't seen "Mr. Deeds" yet. So, we set a TV reminder, and watched it when it came on. I started dozing off towards the end, seems like I do that alot when we watch movies at home.. Haha, I'm sorry, I am just so damn comfortable around him, and we always watch movies late, when I have to get up early. Brad woke me up so I could crawl up to my spot on the bed, and goto sleep. I felt him curl up next to me and wrap his arm around me. It really means alot when he does that... It's like.. kisses on the cheek or forehead. He WANTS to do it... you know what I mean? It's like if I say "cuddle with me", he'll do it... If I pucker my lips, he'll kiss them... I know he doesn't mind doing either, but when he kisses my forehead or cheek... or wraps his arms around me without me having to ask him to, its just alittle sign that he cares... He'll willingly do these things. He WANTS to do them. It really does mean alot. Anyway, I quickly fell back asleep, and I am sure Brad wasn't far behind me. At 3am his celly went off. We wanted alittle time to talk before I had to get up for school and he had to leave. We cuddled and talked for about 30 minutes, but I couldn't manage to stay awake much longer... So, we set our alarms for 6:00am. Of course, they went of at 6am, and we hopped up to get ready. Brad drove me over to school, and we sat and talked a little bit before the cheesebox came. We kissed, and I hopped outta the car. I miss him already. But that's okay, He has a "work-party" type thing, sorta.. kinda.. on Sunday. Hehe. Sky Chief's Baseball game! woop! woop! I haven't been to a baseball game in FOREVER! I'm all excited... I love you baby, you truly are my miracle.

Hmm, current events. Sunday is the Sky Chief's baseball game, like I said... wooo, I'm excited. I get to see my baby, *giggles* TWICE this week. *gasp*... I guess the plans are this: Step mom is bringing me and the children to The MoST* where Brad will be working... I chill there for the day, and stay when my step mom, sister, and cousins leave... Then when Brad gets outta work, we'll probably head back to his house, so he can get changed, then head to the Sky Chief's game. Woop Woop! Excited, much... Yeah, I am! I haven't gone to a baseball game in forever, and I am slowly getting Brad more interested in sports. First Basketball, baseball was his idea, and hopefully football this coming up fall... ooohhh, Laura loves football. Anyway, I'm hoping to convince the 'rentals to let him stay Sunday night too, if he wants too. I've also been thinking a lot about the k-rock-athon. I realllllllllllllllly wanna see Evanescence... But I didn't wanna go, and interfer with Brad and Ryan, on their "boys night out", I guess you could say. Now, Bobbie-Jo said she is going, and she doesn't wanna be all alone, so I'm thinking about it. I guess it's going to be an interesting experience for me. I've also been working on my ghetto slang. Chason has been educating me on what the "izzles" mean.... I think I'm finally getting it...

On that note, "be rizzle, im bout to handle ma bizzle"...
-Laura

DisorderRating
Paranoid:High
Schizoid:Low
Schizotypal:Low
Antisocial:Moderate
Borderline:Low
Histrionic:High
Narcissistic:High
Avoidant:Low
Dependent:Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:Moderate

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --



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(1 stars caught | catch a falling star)

"The Blunt Truth" About Laura... [16 Jul 2003|04:54pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

About two weeks ago, I ran into this website called "The Blunt Truth". Everyone is familar with picture rating sites, right? Well, I like to call the "Blunt Truth" a person rating site. You pick 20 questions that you want your friends to answer about you (on a 1-10 basis). The questions are then put onto a page for you, and you can send your link to whomever you want to send it to. When you send the links to your friends, they have a choice to leave their name, or that the survey about you anonymously. I thought this was pretty damn sweet, I mean, your friends finally have the chance to tell you what they honestly think about you, without you knowing which of your friends gave you what score. I also soon found out that even if your friend chooses to leave their name, it doesn't tell you what that friend gave you for each question, it just gives you a list to the left hand side that says "this person took this test"... So, this website gave me a brillant idea. I am so sick and tired of people saying shit about me that isn't true. Whether it is to me, or to other people, family, my man or friends. I have came to the conclussion that no one who thinks they "know me", really does. I have decided to ask 11 people, who know my better than I know myself to answer numerous questions about me on "The Blunt Truth" webpage, so I could write a journal entry that will prove to you people who "claim" to know me, who I really am. These 11 people come from all different backgrounds, there are many different races, shapes and sizes mixed in, and also all these people have known me for different amounts of time. Before I give you the questions and my final scores, I am going to leave brief descriptions of the people who took my quiz, just to prove to you that these are people who know the real me. Also, you will all noticed that Brad did not take the survey. Although Brad is a very honest person, even when it comes to telling me what he thinks about me, or certian things I do/say, we both figured that leaving him out of this would be for the better. If I had him take it, it would leave anyone who decides to argue about this open to saying "well your scores are good, because your boyfriend took the survey..." Well, sorry to bust your bubbles this time, but I caught you, before you could try it. Also, many of you might not agree with the survey's outcome, we all have our opinions... and as for yours, frankly my dears, I don't give a damn...

DJ Alliger - I have known DJ for about 11 months. DJ and I became friends when I came across his "Chicken Head" webpage, and left a comment saying it was a great page. (For anyone who doesn't know, Chicken Head is a guy that lives in our city, that is pretty damn scary!). Throughout the past 11 months, DJ has became my "lil bro" that I don't have. We've argued like siblings, and have also been there for eachother when either of us has needed it.

Chason Anderson - Chason and I go back along ways. I met Chason when I was 13. (So, I've known him for 5 years). We quickly became best buds, and also tried out a relationship, which ended quickly, because we both realized that our friendship at that point meant more to us than anything else. Sadly, Chason and I drifted apart for a time, and it took something tragic to bring us back together (Sept. 11th). Since Sept 11, 2001, Chason and I have gotten our old friendship back. Although we have our ups and downs once and awhile, there is no doubt in my mind that we'll be friends for along time.

Hollie Brockway - Hollie is my step-sister. My first memory of Hollie was before our parents even got together, it was back in 1988, at my 3rd birthday party. Soon after that, our parents got together, and married in 1993. To anyone that asks, Hollie isn't a "step-sister", she is a SISTER, she has been there for as long as I can remember, our parents were friends when we were little, and it seems like every memory from my childhood has her in it. Throughout the time period when our parents introduced us all the way up to now we were inseperable. Ask anyone who has known us for that long, that wherever you would find Laura, you would find Hollie... Or vice-versa.

Jason Colwell - I met Jason (aka Klubbie) about 1 and 1/2 years ago. We clicked from the very beginning. At the time, Klubbie was having girl-problems, and I have numerous guy-problems as well. We also realized soon enough that we had the same music interest, which isn't easy to find people who love emo music these days. I was also to make Klubbie a Count The Stars fan, which made our friendship-bond alittle stronger. He has always been there when I needed him, definately a great friend 'til the end.

Duane Franklin - Duane was the first person I met online, and we've known eachother for about 7 years now. Duane and I also dated, quite afew times back in the day. Whenever I need an honest opinion about something I always goto him, he's not afraid to tell me how he feels about something I did/do, and isn't afraid to be straight forward and honest about it. I've considered him to be my "guardian" through everything. He's always been there pushing me in the right directions, and he's the bestest friend anyone could ever ask for.

Bobby Galina - Bobby has been my "best bud" for 5 years now. We've had quite afew conflicts here and there, but things always manage to work out for the best. Bobby is also my ex-boyfriends cousin, he introduced us. Bobby and I have pretty much been the "inseperable" friends that are in movies, you know, like... Milo and Otis... Haha. I couldn't ask for a better person to confide in. He's definately a sweetheart.

Greg Rouzeau - I met G-Man about 3 years ago. Too everyone that has heard about him, you probably remember him as my "LiL Big Bro". G-Man has always been there for me to give advice when I needed it, and to make me laugh when I was upset. He even had a kitty named after me for awhile! haha. There's no doubt in my mind that whenever I need G-Man, he'll be there.

Tyler Sambrano - Tyler and I definately have a past, which most of you know. We've known eachother for about 2 years now. Tyler and I were really close friends before we "sorta-hooked up". After awhile, mine and Tylers relationship got rocky. Our relationship/friendship went from rocky, to what we thought was unfixable. We eventually stopped talking. Recently, Tyler and I have talked, and both apologized about the past. Who knows what the future holds, maybe Tyler and I will be able to regain our lost friendship.

Matt Smithers - I've known who Matt was for the past 4 years. He always seemed like a sweet guy, but I never really had the chance to get to know him until our Senior Trip. He was really funny, and great to be around. Since then we have helped eachother out through situations, and problems. Matt was also one of the first 3 people who I told about my "graduating" situation, and was the only one from my graduating class that I told before graduation. He is the ideal "best friend" and hopefully we keep in touch thoughout the years, and some day be come "best friends".

Matt Spano - Spano and I, although many of you wouldn't believe it by seeing us joke around together, have only been friends for a year. Originally, Matt was friends with Hollie. But soon enough, Spano and I started enjoying eachothers company at football games, bashing the other teams (especially CBA) together. Since then, Spano and I have gotten close. I was also his prom date. I'm positive that throughout the rest of my life, Spano will be there (haha, cuz he's ALWAYS there... inside joke.) right next to me, bashing rival football teams, and helping me through all the BS I will go through.

Matt Villaverde - Matt and I have known eachother for about 6 and 1/2 years. He is definately my big brother, no question about it. He's always giving advice, and telling me not to be so hard on myself. He's also been pretty protective in the past. Matt is also the mature one, obviously, because he is alot more mature than most of my friends, he's almost 23. (Hense, my "big brother") haha. He is also one of the few friends that has been there through EVERYTHING. I mean, damn, he's been around since I was 11!


Question #1 - Am I athletic? - 7.4
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 11
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 1
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 2
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 7
Number of people who gave me a 10: 1
What I would have given myself : 7-9
Comment from Laura: Dance Team, that's about it.

Question #2 - How lazy am I? - 5.4
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 11
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 2
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 5
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 3
Number of people who gave me a 10: 1
What I would have given myself : 4-6
Comment from Laura: I am lazy when I want to be.

Question #3 - How slutty am I? - 2.4
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 11
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 8
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 3
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 0
Number of people who gave me a 10: 0
What I would have given myself : 1-3
Comment from Laura: I definately am not "slutty".

Question #4- Do I drink too much alcohol? - 1.7
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 10
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 10
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 0
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 0
Number of people who gave me a 10: 0
What I would have given myself : 1-3
Comment from Laura: I drink maybe 1-2 times a year.

Question #5 - Do I smoke too much pot? - 1.2
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 11
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 11
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 0
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 0
Number of people who gave me a 10: 0
What I would have given myself : 1-3
Comment from Laura: Never have, never will.

Question #6 - How succesful am I? - 6.9
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 11
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 0
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 4
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 6
Number of people who gave me a 10: 1
What I would have given myself : 7-9
Comment from Laura: I'm not yet, but I will be.

Question #7 - Am I polite? - 8.2
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 11
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 0
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 1
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 9
Number of people who gave me a 10: 1
What I would have given myself : 7-9
Comment from Laura: I always try to be as polite as possible.

Question #8 - Am I honest? - 8.8
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 11
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 0
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 0
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 7
Number of people who gave me a 10: 4
What I would have given myself : 7-9
Comment from Laura: I tell it like it is.

Question #9 - Do I come off as a fake? - 2.9
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 11
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 8
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 2
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 1
Number of people who gave me a 10: 0
What I would have given myself : 1-3
Comment from Laura: I'm always me, but sometimes people percieve me to be something I'm not.
Question #10 - Am I a dedicated person? - 8.5
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 10
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 0
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 1
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 5
Number of people who gave me a 10: 4
What I would have given myself : 10
Comment from Laura: I'm as dedicated as they come.

Question #11 - Am I clumsy? - 4.3
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 11
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 5
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 3
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 3
Number of people who gave me a 10: 0
What I would have given myself : 1-3
Comment from Laura: I have my moments.

Question #12 - Do I have a lot of energy? - 7.9
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 11
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 0
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 2
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 8
Number of people who gave me a 10: 1
What I would have given myself : 7-9
Comment from Laura: Depends on the mood.

Question #13 - Do I have patience? - 6.5
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 11
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 1
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 4
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 5
Number of people who gave me a 10: 1
What I would have given myself : 4-6
Comment from Laura: Depends on why I need to have patience.

Question #14 - Am I a player? - 1.7
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 11
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 10
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 1
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 0
Number of people who gave me a 10: 0
What I would have given myself : 1-3
Comment from Laura: I'm a player hater!

Question #15 - Do I come off homosexual? - 1.5
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 11
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 10
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 1
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 0
Number of people who gave me a 10: 0
What I would have given myself : 4-6
Comment from Laura: I ALWAYS joke about it.

Question #16 - Do I have good manners? - 7.7
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 11
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 1
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 2
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 6
Number of people who gave me a 10: 2
What I would have given myself : 7-9
Comment from Laura: I have very good manners, thanks.

Question #17 - Am I a good dancer? - 8.1
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 10
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 1
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 0
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 7
Number of people who gave me a 10: 2
What I would have given myself : 7-9
Comment from Laura: Dance Team, 4 years...

Question #18 - How much do you want to kick my ass? - 3.8
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 11
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 7
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 1
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 1
Number of people who gave me a 10: 2
What I would have given myself : 10
Comment from Laura: I want to kick my ass all the time.

Question #19 - Am I a good driver? - 6.8
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 9
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 1
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 4
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 2
Number of people who gave me a 10: 2
What I would have given myself : 7-9
Comment from Laura: I can't parallel park...

Question #20 - Do I have good morals? - 8.5
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 11
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 0
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 1
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 6
Number of people who gave me a 10: 4
What I would have given myself : 10
Comment from Laura: I like my morals, thanks.

Question #21 - How nice are my eyes? - 8.8
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 10
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 0
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 1
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 5
Number of people who gave me a 10: 4
What I would have given myself : 7-9
Comment from Laura: I think I have pretty eyes.

Question #22 - How nice is my hair? - 8.5
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 11
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 0
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 2
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 5
Number of people who gave me a 10: 4
What I would have given myself : 7-9
Comment from Laura: I like my hair too!

Question #23 - How nice are my legs? - 8.5
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 8
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 0
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 2
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 4
Number of people who gave me a 10: 2
What I would have given myself : 4-6
Comment from Laura: I hate my legs.

Question #24 - How is my overall physical attractiveness? - 8.3
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 9
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 0
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 0
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 7
Number of people who gave me a 10: 2
What I would have given myself : 7-9
Comment from Laura: I am damn sexy, haha! J/K

Question #25 - How is my face? - 8.2
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 10
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 0
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 0
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 8
Number of people who gave me a 10: 2
What I would have given myself : 7-9
Comment from Laura: I happen to like my face too.

Question #26 - How is my chest? - 8.2
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 6
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 0
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 1
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 4
Number of people who gave me a 10: 1
What I would have given myself : 7-9
Comment from Laura: You have all looked at me chest?!! j/k *wink*

Question #27 - How nice is my butt? - 8.3
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 6
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 0
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 1
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 3
Number of people who gave me a 10: 2
What I would have given myself : 7-9
Comment from Laura: LoLo's got back.

Question #28 - How good is my fashion sense? - 8.5
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 7
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 0
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 2
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 4
Number of people who gave me a 10: 1
What I would have given myself : 7-9
Comment from Laura: I like my "fashion sense".

Question #29 - How creative am I? - 9.0
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 11
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 0
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 0
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 8
Number of people who gave me a 10: 3
What I would have given myself : 10
Comment from Laura: I am very creative.

Question #30 - How is my sense of humor? - 8.4
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 10
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 0
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 1
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 7
Number of people who gave me a 10: 2
What I would have given myself : 7-9
Comment from Laura: I have a great sense of humor.

Question #31 - How conceited am I? - 2.6
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 9
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 6
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 3
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 0
Number of people who gave me a 10:
What I would have given myself : 1-3
Comment from Laura: Me? Conceited?!!.

Question #32 - How selfish am I? - 4.3
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 11
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 6
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 2
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 0
Number of people who gave me a 10: 3
What I would have given myself : 4-6
Comment from Laura: Depends on what we're talking about here.

Question #33 - How intelligent am I? - 7.5
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 11
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 0
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 2
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 8
Number of people who gave me a 10: 1
What I would have given myself : 7-9
Comment from Laura: I've made some mistakes, but I'm not stupid.

Question #34 - Am I a "gentlelady"? - 8.1
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 11
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 0
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 1
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 8
Number of people who gave me a 10: 2
What I would have given myself : 10
Comment from Laura: Yes, I am.

Question #35 - Am I charming? - 8.1
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 10
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 0
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 1
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 8
Number of people who gave me a 10: 1
What I would have given myself : 10
Comment from Laura: I think I'm charming... haha.

Question #36 - Do I have a nice voice? - 8.7
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 11
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 0
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 0
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 8
Number of people who gave me a 10: 3
What I would have given myself : 7-9
Comment from Laura: I've been told I should work for a phone sex hotline... That was a compliment, I think?

Question #37 - How is my smile? - 8.8
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 10
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 0
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 0
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 5
Number of people who gave me a 10: 5
What I would have given myself : 7-9
Comment from Laura: I like my smile!

Question #38 - How annoying am I? - 2.7
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 10
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 8
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 1
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 1
Number of people who gave me a 10: 0
What I would have given myself : 1-3
Comment from Laura: I am usually the one who is annoyed.

Question #39 - Do you trust me? - 9.0
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 10
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 0
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 0
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 5
Number of people who gave me a 10: 5
What I would have given myself : 10
Comment from Laura: I am very truthworthy.

Question #40 - Do you find me reliable? - 8.6
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 10
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 0
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 1
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 4
Number of people who gave me a 10: 5
What I would have given myself : 10
Comment from Laura: I am "ALWAYS THERE". haha

Question #41 - Can I keep a secret? - 9.2
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 10
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 0
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 0
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 4
Number of people who gave me a 10: 6
What I would have given myself : 10
Comment from Laura: I am good at keeping secrets.

Question #42 - Do I talk too much? - 2.4
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 10
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 7
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 3
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 0
Number of people who gave me a 10:
What I would have given myself : 1-3
Comment from Laura: People say I don't talk ENOUGH.

Question #43 - Am I a geek? - 2.9
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 10
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 8
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 0
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 1
Number of people who gave me a 10: 1
What I would have given myself : 10
Comment from Laura: Yep, I'm a big geeker.

Question #44 - Do I use people? - 1.8
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 10
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 9
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 1
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 0
Number of people who gave me a 10: 0
What I would have given myself : 1-3
Comment from Laura: No, I don't use people.

Question #45 - Am I popular? - 7.8
Number of people who answered this question out of 11: 10
Number of people who gave me between 1-3: 0
Number of people who gave me between 4-6: 1
Number of people who gave me between 7-9: 8
Number of people who gave me a 10: 1
What I would have given myself : 7-9
Comment from Laura: I am well-liked, not "popular".


Laura's overall opinion of herself as a person : 8.3
Laura's friends overall opinion of herself as a person : 8.1


So, there you have it... I am a semi-athletic, lazy when I wanna be, not slutty, non-alcoholic, I don't do drugs, someday will be successful, polite, honest, not fake, very dedicated, clumsy at times, semi-energetic, semi-patient, non-player, straight, has good manners, good dancer, who occasionally people like to play around with, semi-good driver, with great morals, with nice eyes and hair, and semi-nice legs, average attractiveness, with a cute face, nice chest and ass, with a good fashion sense, very creative, with a great sense of humor, not conceited, non-selfish, semi-intelligent, "gentlelady", who is charming, has a nice voice, great smile, non-annoying, very trustworthy, reliable, who can keep a secret, is a better listener than talker, who is fun to "geek around" with, who doesn't use people, and finally who is well-liked, not "popular"... woman.

I now have proven my point. Or should I say, now, my friends have proven a point. I am not this mean, selfish, anti-christ bitch that many people have liked to make me out to be lately. In fact, I am far from that. Stop trying to belittle me, and make me think less of myself, because these 11 people mean more to me than anyone else ever could, their opinion matters to me, not yours. So, on that note, how about you all get to know the real me before you start to judge. These 11 people did, and obviously, I didn't disappoint them.

Until Friday, L.



So, what am I not supposed to have an opinion?
Should I be quiet just because I'm a woman?
Call me a bitch 'cause I speak what's on my mind,
Guess it's easier for you to swallow if I sat and smiled...
When a female fires back...
Suddenly the target don't know how to act,
So he does what any little boy will do,
Making up a few false rumors or two...
That for sure is not a man to me
Slanderin' names for popularity
You're just a little boy, you think you're so cute
You must talk so big to make up for small lil things...

(catch a falling star)

OmG, I didn't suck @ pool! =) [15 Jul 2003|10:19pm]
[ mood | happy ]

Sunday, Brad came over around 10:30am. Of course, since I rearranged my entire room, I couldn't find any frickin' clothes. I threw my shirt in the washer, that I orignially planned on wearing... and curled up with Brad on my bed. After my clothes were done, I realized that I grabbed the wrong khaki's, and couldn't find the ones I wanted to wear. Honestly, I was getting pissed off beyond belief. It might look like I have a shitload of clothes, but I don't... grrrr. Anyways, eventually I was able to throw on some clothes, and we headed to Trisha's Graduation Party. We got there, and afew people were there, including Rachel. (Someone from Brad's past). I was also introduced to Ali, who claims I met him before at Brad's prom, but honestly, there isn't much at all I remember about the people I met at his prom, besides Trisha. Brad and Ali went into the bar to play pool, I followed, I really didn't wanna leave Brad's side, I missed him soo much after not seeing him for afew days, but I didn't really know anyone. I watched Brad and Ali play pool. I actually had a pretty good time watching them. Awhile passed, and everyone left the party, except Trisha's family, and of course, Brad, Ali and I. Trisha's friend Amanda was waiting for her ride, when Trisha asked if I wanted to play pool. I really wasn't planning on it, because last time I played with Brad, I sucked horribly and I really didn't wanna make an ass outta myself. But, Trisha asked me to play with Brad, against her and Amanda. I was shocked when I actually didn't suck. Haha. I literally have no idea where that came from, but for a total 3 minutes, I was good at pool. Amanda's ride came though, and as we all walked away from the table, this lil kid took over. Oh well. Brad and I played afew games later against Trisha and Ali. They won. Haha. Brad and I might actually goto the Cue Club place Thursday night to play alittle pool. Hopefully, I wont suck again! After Trisha's party we headed back to my house. Brad watched alittle TV while I cleaned my room up alittle more. At 7:30pm, Terminator 2 was on TV, so he made me watch bits and pieces of it with him. Around 8pm, my dad asked him if he could follow him to someone's house to drop off a car, and give him a ride back. Grrr, I really hate when my dad does that, sometimes he's gone for hours... I honestly was in shock when my dad and Brad returned back only 15 minutes later. My Dad is lucky, because if he interferred too much with my "Brad Time", I would have killed him. It was starting to get late, and I forgot how it came up, but, I decided to ask my parents if Brad could stay for the night... They said they didn't care, so Brad called him parents, and they didn't care either! Woo Hoo, our first night cuddled in my satin bedding! Haha. Brad and I cuddled in bed, and watched "Fast and The Furious", then we laid down, talking about anything and everything. I slept really comfortably Sunday night, when my alarm clock went off at 6am the next morning for school, I reset it for 6:15am. But, another 15 minutes cuddled up with my baby still wasn't enough, at 6:15am, I reset it again for 6:30am. Of course, at 6:30am, I had to get up... Grrrr. So Brad and I both got dressed, and he drove me over to school around 6:45am. We sat in his car and talked until my bus came to bring me to summer school... icky. I kissed him "bye for now"... and then again. He's just so incredible, I sleep so well when I'm next to him. Later that day, he told me he had a dream about us getting married. I'm hoping and definately wishing that someday that that dream comes true...

My mom is currently at Crouse Hospital, because of a broken left femur, So, since I planned on going to the hospital (which in in Syracuse) to see her today, I thought if Brad didn't have plans already with Ryan, that we could do something today too. On the way to the hospital, Brad walked me through how to get to his house, I probably should know by now... But I really suck with directions... Long story short, eventually, we got there. lol. From Brad's we headed over to Crouse Hospital to visit my mom. She didn't really look like she was in much pain, however, I am sure that she was. She got pretty emotional, but hey, what can you expect, no one likes chillin' in a hospial. We stayed at the hospital til about 2:30pm, and then headed over to Carousel Mall. We went to see "28 Days Later..." OmG, that was by far the worst movie I have ever seen in my entire life. British people definately suck at life. Gawd Damn! After the movie, Brad and I walked around for a bit, then Ryan called Brad's celly to see what we were up to. Ryan ended up meeting us at Carousel to hang out alittle bit. Brad and Ryan ended up talking about South Park. What dorks, lol, you both know I love ya's though! Anyway, Brad and I left at 7:30pm, and ended up going to The Spaghetti Warehouse with my grandparents. Definately fun times. After that, we dropped Brad back off at his house, and headed back to Fulton. Yep, that was my day... Simply amazing with him...

I am planning a pretty interesting entry tomorrow. I think you all will be pretty interested in reading it.

As for an entry about spending a day or two with my man, check Friday night! We'll be spending Thursday/Friday together, hopefully!

Until Then, L.


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(2 stars caught | catch a falling star)

Summer School is a Bitch! [08 Jul 2003|10:53pm]
[ mood | blah ]

Yep, summer school is a bitch. I have to get up at 5:30am four times a week, to goto a school that is a good 25-30 minutes away, to sit there for 2 hours, in a class where I do practically nothing, get back on a smelly ol' cheesebox (aka, a bus) for another 25-30 minutes to come back home. It's a bitch. This is all bullshit, but hey... live and learn. I'm not giving up...

Normally, I would write a novel the size of Huck Finn about a day I spent with my baby, but today, I'm not going to do that. It's already going on 11:00pm, and I have the lovely privlage of having to get up at 5:30am... So, to those of you who always ask for the "readers digest version" of my amazing days spent with Brad... this one is for you...

Brad came over around noon. Of course, I was very excited to see him, but throughout the entire day, I kept thinking "after tonight, I probably wont see him for over a week..." That really depresses me, but I TRY to remind myself constantly, that soon, we'll be living together, and we wont go weeks without seeing eachother. Brad and I ended up sitting in the livingroom with my sister to watch alittle TV. I also asked my sister to cut my hair, but of course, I get the same response everytime I ask... "I'll do it tomorrow..." I eventually got pissed and gave up on begging her, and laid down on Brad's chest. The next thing I know, I hear my step mom saying "she can't sleep, wake her up!" argh. Gawd Damn, is it a fuckin' crime to take a nap after having to get up at 5:30 in the frickin' morning? But yea, I sat up, and realized that both Brad and I dozed off for about 15-20 minutes. (nice nap, huh?) I was really pissed off about my hair, because it was WAY too long for summer. Brad offered to call his cousin Amanda, to see if she would do it... but honestly, I didn't wanna have to go all the way to Syracuse and back, nor did I wanna have Brad drive me all the way there and back, then back to the 'cuse later. We checked movie times, because earlier we had decided we were going to see Terminator 3 like we planned on the other night. I decided that I was just going to get my hair cut at Crowning Glory, but first I had to stop at my mom's house to borrow money. I knew I wouldn't get any from home. We headed over to my mom's house, and she gave me $25 to get my hair cut (thanks again mommy!) Brad then drove me over to Crowning Glory to get my hair chopped off. When I was done, we still had quite a bit of time before the movie, so we headed back to my house for a few then quickly headed to Oswego to go see "T3". It was an alright movie. I was alittle lost, but I think I understood most of it. I definately have to admit that Arnold has a nice bod for an old guy! *wink*. During the movie, I got really cold, Brad took off his shirt, and gave it to me to put over my arms... leaving him in his beater. What a sweetheart. He's such a nice guy. I love him to pieces. After the movie we went back to my house, then decided we were going to get something to eat. Of course, neither Brad or I could decided where or what we wanted to it. After trying many different methods, which all failed, we decided to goto Pizza Hut. Of course, we got our pepperoni and sausage pizza, but this time it was a pan pizza, because neither of us were really hungry enough to get a stuffed crust pizza. After Pizza, we headed over to Sweet's too look at the cars, we were alittle late though, it's ok, next time. We headed back to my house, and spent until 10:15pm in my room talking, playing around, and cuddling. Brad wanted to get home kinda early, since I have to get up early, and he's gotta be at work by 11am. We went outside, and Brad had me put some contact cleaning stuff in his eyes, cause his contacts were starting to bug him... Sooo, I did... we kissed after times... then I got outta the car and went to the drivers side and prepared myself to say "bye 4 now". tough times, we were spoiled so much recently, it's hard to believe that I wont see him for over a week now... I literally felt like I wanted to cry. He told me not to, so I held it in... We kissed afew times... hugged... held hands... finally kissed one more time, and said 'bye'........... I miss him already. =(

I can't wait until next time I see him, each day is something new. Baby, We definately make every minute count. I love you so much... and I'm counting down the seconds until I get to see/kiss you again.

Until then, L.

(catch a falling star)

5 Days... 4 Nights... Definately Spoiled! [07 Jul 2003|03:54pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

I began another one of my novel-long entries with this... The week of June 30th through July 7th has definately been the best week of my summer (maybe even my entire life!) thus far...

My week didn't really become "amazing" until Thursday, and I am sure, all of you have probably guessed, yes, Thursday was spent with my man. He picked me up from my mom's house around noon, and we headed to da 'cuse. Before heading over to Brad's hizzay, we made a quick stop at the store. Much of the day was spent in Brad's room. At 1pm, it was time to turn on the TV, and watch my show, "Unsolved Mysteries"... When I turned on the TV, and noticed that my show was not on, I was pretty pissed off... Brad happened to be in the bathroom brushing his teeth, so I went into the bathroom with him to pout. I hate when they reschedule shows, I mean... gawd damn. I just got outta school, I'm home from 1pm-2pm, and now I can actually watch "my show" and what do they do?! THEY RESCHEDULE IT!!! ... Fuckers. Luckily, Brad was there to calm me down before I went Ti-Kwon-Do on those dumbasses. Brad and I had originally planned on going to see Terminator 3 Thursday evening. Earlier Thursday, we were channel surfing and happened to run into Terminator 2. Now, Don't anyone faint, but I have never seen any of the Terminator movies... So, Brad had me watch the end of Terminator 2, so I would kind of understand Terminator 3. I laid on Brad's nice comfy waterbed watching Terminator 2 while he went to pick his mom up. His mom ended up getting a ride with someone else, and Brad went out for no reason. My poor baby. It's ok though, he didn't seem too upset about it. We cuddled for the remainder of the day/evening. Brad's family had taken the car, and by the time they got back, it was too late to see Terminator 3. Brad was upset about that, he really wanted to go see it. We left Brad's house around 10:30pm, and made it back to F-Town by 11pm. I was very excited, because Brad was spending the night at my mom's house. We quickly made a nice "bed" on my livingroom floor, hoping it would be cool. Brad had finally convinced me to watch that scary clown movie, "IT"... But, Afew days earlier, Ryan had watched it and forgot to put it back into the case. Brad was alittle pissed off when he opened the case, and realized "IT" wasn't in there. We then watched Coyote Ugly and spent the next few hours again, cuddling and talking. We eventually ended up falling asleep in each others arms around 4am.

Friday, July 4th definately came in with a bang. No sickos, There were no early morning "fireworks"... Get your dirty minds outta the gutter. Waking up with Brad next to me is always a "bang". It's like, "wow, damn... the person that makes each day worth living is laying next to me..." It's soo much easier to wake up when he is around. I just can't wait to see what the day has "in store". Brad is definately full of surprises. I woke up sometime between 9-10am. Brad was still dozed off, and after I woke him up (just by moving), he told me that he was awake earlier that morning. We woke up and laid around for awhile. Brad called his family to make sure it was alright if he went with me to a family get-together for the 4th of July. They told him that it was alright... and soon after, we headed over to my Aunt's house for the party. I introduced Brad to the (very few) family members that were there. I also warned Brad that it will take him a lifetime to get the males in my family straight. Let's see, Mom's side, there's Gary, Gary, Terry, Tommy, Rick, and Dick... Dad's side, there's Grandpa Paul, Uncle Paul, Paul Robert, and Paul Robert Jr.... What the hell was my family thinking when they named their children?! Anyway, he met afew of my family members, and we hung out and chatted for afew hours, before my grandpa and I had to bring Brad back to my mom's house so he could grab his car, and goto work. While we were there, Ryan called and asked Brad for directions to F-Town, and such. Ryan decided to goto a 4th of July party that my sister, and a friend were putting on later that night. I had planned on going for a little bit, but I wasn't sure. Brad and I kissed eachother "bye for now" and Brad drove one way, and we drove the other. I was upset. I just hate when he leaves. I returned to the party, and spent the remaining hours of the day moping around missing (what everyone calls) "my other half". I jumped in the pool at my aunts for awhile, while I was bored and completely alone, I decided that I would goto this "party" for a little while, until Brad got home from work. Around 9pm, I stopped over to the party, Hollie told me that it was the white house on the corner of 4th street and Cayuga... (Hollie has these spurts of complete and utter stupidness... 3 of the fuckin' 4 houses on the corner of 4th St. and Cayuga are white!)... Anyway, no one was there yet. I waited and then Ryan called my cell phone and asked where it was. He drove over and got outta the car and came up to me. Soon after, Bobbie-Jo, Sarah and Hollie showed up. We went inside the house (yea, ONE of those THREE white houses on the corner of Cayuga and 4th..) and just chilled for awhile. Eventually Mark showed up... We didn't want him there, so we tried playing like no one was going to come so we were just going to crash there for the night, but it didn't work out as planned... He ended up sticking around until people showed up. I spent most of the time at the party chatting with (mostly) Ryan and Bobbie-Jo. When people started showing up, Ryan became pretty popular, he's now known to the "Fulton Crew" as "Fowler"... Thank gawd they don't refer to Brad and "Fowler"... Anyway. Ryan started drinking, I wasn't too worried at first, because I was told that afew beers wouldn't hurt him, eventually.. he started drinking more and more... soo, I gave up trying to stop him. I really didn't need to get him pissed off at me. I think he did, eventually oh well, what can I say... I'll admit it, I was scared and worried. I didn't exactly want to see my boyfriends "bro" keel over, or in any pain for that matter. I tried, that's all I could do. I eventually started getting upset. Not at Ryan, I was worried about him, but other people at this party ended up "making me upset"... pretty much disgusted. I don't even know if that's the word for it. Anyway, I called Brad and asked him if he wanted to come out again... IF it was alright with his step-dad. Brad asked, and it was a go... I had to call my grandpa and make sure it was alright for him to spend the night, AGAIN at my house... and it was. I was estactic... 2 nights in a row with my man, but I knew it wasn't going to be pretty. I had to tell Brad what was going on with Ryan... You all know how males are... When they're scared/worried they get very pissy, and that is exactly what happened. When Brad showed up at the party, and Ryan and him finally came close enough to speak, Brad was bitter towards Ryan. I guess I'm not taking sides on this one, I can understand that Ryan wanted to have "fun"... Yet, I do not blame Brad for being upset with him at all. Shortly after Brad arrived, Steve showed up. Bobbie-Jo, Steve, Brad and I spent quite some time talking about afew things. I ended up getting upset, and Brad was alittle upset about Ryan too, so we ended up saying goodbye to everyone around 1:15am. Brad was nice enough to bring Jerrod home (who had been drinking), and then we headed back to my house. Both of us were upset. Both of us had different reasons to be. I was upset at someone very close to me, and he was upset at his "bro". When we returned to my house, Brad asked if I had any peanut butter and jelly so he could make himself a sandwich after his long day at work. I got him what he needed and realized that the jelly was almost gone. I searched the entire house 3 times to see if I could find another jar of jelly. But, I couldn't. Eventually my grandpa came out and asked what we were doing, and he opened the fridge and pulled out another jar of jelly. Gawd damn, I am so blind. I can't believe I didn't see it... DUHHHHHHHHH... we then returned to the livingroom. It was pretty hot the night before, so Brad and I decided that we would attempt to patch up holes the lovely squirrels had put in my sliding glass door screen, so we could open the glass part of the door, and leave the screen shut. We sat together patching holes in the screen, and complaining about things that were bugging us. I found this funny, but as we're sitting here patching holes and complaining.. I couldn't help thing that talking to Brad about what I am upset about is like "patching holes"... I know that sounds goofy, but you all know what I mean. I quickly took a shower.. and curled up on the floor next to my man. He was upset, and sleepy. So, I kissed him goodnight, told him I love him, and rubbed his back until he fell asleep...

Brad had to be up really early the next morning, because his cousin, Christi was getting married, and he still had to drive all the way back to Syracuse and get ready. The alarm clocks (yes, plural) woke us up around 7:00am. Brad got up and ready in afew minutes. I kissed him "bye 4 now" again, and he was on his way back to da 'cuse for a wedding. I didn't want to say anything at the time, but I couldn't help but think about my wedding, and hoping that it will be his wedding too. The rest of my day isn't worth talking about. Again, my other 1/2 was missing. I lounged around and did nothing. I watched "Get Over It" and Brad called me every-hour-or-so to see how I was doing. As selfish as it may be, I couldn't wait until the wedding and reception was over, because I knew that when it was over, Brad would be heading back to my house again, for (don't faint) our THIRD straight night together. Around 7:30pm, Brad showed up at my house. We spent the first hour or so chatting online with Ryan, trying to work out the arguement from the other night. We decided shortly after to stop at Arby's to get a bite to eat. We came home, did the shower thing, and Brad FINALLY convinced me to watch "IT". I hate clowns, I REALLY do... this time, Brad made sure that the DVD was in it's case. We watched probably 1/4 of the first half, and Brad kept dozing off. Not good at all... I definately didn't wanna see some damn psycho clown ALONE... So, I turned off the DVD and we both laid down and fell asleep, our third night together, holding eachother... I cant remember exactly when, but sometime during this day, Brad told me that while he was at his cousins wedding, he couldn't help but think of me. It was incredibly sweet to know that all the love songs playing reminded him of me, and that he was thinking about me, while he was at a wedding... Trust me, I am hoping and praying with all that I am that he is "the one" I am meant to be with for the rest of my life... There really couldn't be a more perfect couple than Brad and I.

The next morning our alarm clocks went off at 7:30am... We had to be back to Syracuse by 9am, because I was invited to go with Brad and his family to a 'get-together'... sorta a small "going away on their honeymoon" party for Brad's cousin, and her new-husband, and it was also a time where I would get to meet quite afew of Brad's family members that I've heard a ton about, but haven't met yet. We headed back to Brad's house to meet up with his family. We found out that the party didn't start until noon. Brad and I hung out for awhile in his room until the time came to leave. Unfortunately, we weren't really ready to leave when it was time. We went over to Brad's aunts house and I met quite afew people that Brad had mentioned in the past. Brad's family isn't half as complicated at mine to remember, but I still dont think I've got his aunts straight, I'll get em all eventually. haha. His whole family is super nice. I think, if I counted right, I've gotten 7 hugs from people in Brad's family... His mom, his Aunt Mary, his Aunt Judy, his Aunt Debbie, his cousin Amanda, his great Aunt Liz, and his Uncle John. Phew. I think that's about right. The party was really nice, but Brad and I decided to go for a walk to the park, to be alone, and talk. We spent a good amount of time talking at the park. It was nice. We returned to the party for a short period of time, and then Brad's step da brought us back to Brad's house. It was getting way too hot out. Brad and I ended up watching part of Willy Wonka, and played Brad's newest obbsession... Kings of Chaos. We kept ourselves occupied until Brad's parents returned. Soon after, Brad and I hopped into the car, and headed back to F-Town. When we got back, Brad and I decided to goto Subway for dinner. I really wanted to goto the subway near my dads house, but when we got over there, it was closed... SOOO we drove alllllll the way back over to the other side of F-Town and went to that Subway. Since it's located in a gas station, Brad and I decided to get a soda there, instead of a fountian drink at Subway. While I was taking my Mountian Dew outta the fridge thing... the despenser that they're in bit me! Fuckin' thing. It hurt like a mofo. Brad kisses it though, and it felt all better! We went back to my house, ate, and watched the rest of Willy Wonka. After, Brad hopped into the shower, and shortly after, we both laid down in "bed".. mmm... our FOURTH straight night together. We decided to TRY to watch alittle more of "IT"... We made it through the first half, and at midnight, decided to lay down and goto bed. I was restless though, I had alot of things going on in my mind. Mostly things that Brad only knows about. Things like school, friends, the certian close person that pissed me off at the 4th of July party, so-on-and-so-forth... I tend to do that to myself alot... I hold everything in until one tiny lil thing sets me off. It's bad, I know, but thats how I am. I couldn't lay still.. and laying there thinking really upset me, I started getting teary-eyed, and sniffly. I honestly didn't want to disturb Brad. I rolled away from him so he could get to sleep. He asked me what was up afew times, but I didn't want him to worry, so of course, I said nothing. Eventually I just completely broke down and started crying... Brad sat up, and held me for alittle... I felt alot better just talking to him. He told me he was scared when I rolled away from him and wouldn't talk to him, he thought he did something wrong.. He could never do anything to upset me... he's just so perfect for me in so many ways it's amazing. After I calmed down, and assured Brad that he didnt do anything wrong, and I still loved him more than anything in the entire world... We laid down, and fell asleep, for our FOURTH night together... simply amazing.

Summer school... what a fuckin' blast. Our alarms clocks went of at 5:45am. I HATE getting up early, gawd damn *mumbles under breathe*... I can't stand it! But, I gotta do it. Brad helped me get up... He's great at waking me up. Not many people can live through a morning of waking me up. I've been known to make people bleed that have the balls to TRY to wake me up... Ask my sister's dog, Tao, who occasionally decides to jump on me while I am asleep... You either bleed, or fly head first across the room into the TV. Let's just put it this way, I am NOT a morning person. I got up, hopped in the shower, and got ready for my lovely first day of hell--ahh! I mean, summer school. As I was getting ready, I had Brad write me alittle something inside my notebook for when I get bored/PO'ed at school, I didn't have time to read it before I left though. Brad and I quickly said our byes. I guess when I HAVE to leave him for awhile, it's easier than just having time run out. We didn't get to spend our normal 20-30 minutes saying bye... But, It was still hard. After 5 days, and 4 nights with him... Now, I am not sure if I will be able to see him tomorrow, or if I wont see him for another week and a half. I hate not knowing... I hate not being with him 24/7. He went towards Syracuse, and I went towards the High School. It was tough... I remembered that I had him write a quick note in my notebook before we left, for those "tough times". So I decided I would open it and read it... it says "Laura, This is nothing you haven't heard before or nothing you don't already know. You know you mean the world to me. I love you more than I love my own family or have ever loved another individual. Thank to random chance we came together and now I am the happiest I have EVER been and I believe you are really happy too. Each day my love for you grows because each day you give me more reasons to love you. Thank you for all that you are and all that you mean to me. For the thousandth time, but still as meaningful as the first, I love you. -Brad" When I read that, I teared up... He's so perfect, I could not ask for more.

I have no idea when I will spend time with him again, possibly tomorrow... maybe not until next week... We were spoiled for these 5 days and 4 nights. But whenever I get to spend time with him, it's amazing. He's always full of surprises, and I could never possibly get sick of him or being around him. He's gotta be "that something" Ive been looking for all my life. I've never felt so happy, and I've never felt so lost when he can't be around.

Those past few days/night have definately been the best time of my entire life thus far.

Until Next Time, L.

(1 stars caught | catch a falling star)

I like it when you do dat right thurr, right thurr! [29 Jun 2003|11:30pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

This past weekend was by far the best weekend I have had my entire life...

Brad picked me up on Friday around 5pm. We originally planned on staying at my house for alittle while to go swimming or something, but I just wanted to get outta Fulton and get to Da 'Cuse to spend some time with my man. We went to my mom's house so I could pick up afew things, and so my grandparents and mom could give Brad his Graduation cards. (Brad had no idea that my family had gotten him cards... I did, that's why I dragged him in the house with me. hehe!) He was surprised, he's so damn cute when you surprise him! Anyway, we hopped back in the car, and we decided to go out to eat. We went to the famous Pizza "Slut", and had (what's becoming) our usual. And just for the record, yes, we did use the salt and pepper shakers again to decide if we were getting stuffed crust or not. After dinner, it was time to head to the lovely city of Syracuse. Earlier in the week, we had talked about going to a movie, but honestly I don't think either of us really wanted to sit through a 1.5+ hour movie. So, we headed to Brad's (2nd) place of work, The MoST*. We saw Ryan there, and ended up talking to him for a whole 5 minutes. Brad and I decided to go see an IMAX movie called "Everst" (which is obviously about Mt. Everst). Pretty frickin' cool. It was only about 45 minutes long, but frickin' IMAX is so realistic, it literally made me cold! Brad said he was hot, but I was freezing. We went back to talk to Ryan for a sec, but he was talking to afew other people that him and Brad work with, so they all chatted for a second, then Brad and I hopped back into his car, and headed over to his house. When we got to Brad's house, I gave him the card from me, and the card and gift from my family. Again, he was surprised. I gave him the card from my family first, everyone signed it, including my grandpa and cousin. Someone even drew 2 little ants on the outside... how cute. hehe. Then he opened my card and smiled at me. I wrote him a little letter too, but I told him that he couldn't read it until Graduation. So, he put it back in the card and waited. There was also a gift in the bag, he looked at me, and I told him it wasn't from me.. (Since earlier, we had promised not to get eachother gifts...) My family bought him a picture frame for our prom picture. They really didn't know what to get for him, so I told them to get him a frame, since about 10 minutes before they asked, Brad was talking about having to get a frame for the picture. Hey, it worked. He liked it, and it was useful. The rest of the night was spent mostly on running over Brad's lines for the Graduation that would take place the next morning. Although, we spent quite a bit of time doing other things, like watching "funny stuff" on TV (Brad, you know what I'm talking about...), and cuddling. We finally fell asleep holding eachother around 2:15am. It was a wonderful start to what would be the best weekend ever...

Saturday morning, our alarm clocks (well, our alarm clocks on our cell phones) went off at 5:30am. The morning was spent working on Brad's "lines" again. He was really nervous that he would choke when he got up to the mic. So, we went over what he had to say about 20 times. I also taught him how to concentrate on afew things at one time, so when the time to stand up infront of numerous people and speak it wouldn't be as hard. That was alotta fun. After that, we took a shower, and got ready to goto Brad's Graduation. He wore a blue shirt, khaki's and black shoes. Oh my gosh, he was gorgeous... It's not often I'll be able to see him dressed casually. He hates it. But honestly, he looked so hot. *innocent smile* I wore kahki's, my white dressy-lookin' tank-top, and my white sneakers. After we were all dressed and ready, Brad's parents, Brad and I hopped into the car and headed to the Syracuse Civic Center. We stood outside around all the other Fowler students waiting for Ryan. Ryan had Brad's gown, so we had to find him. Eventually, Ryan showed up, and I snapped afew pictures of Brad with Ryan. Awh, they were both adorable. After awhile, Brad and Ryan went inside to get ready to line up and stuff. I stayed outside with Brad's family. Staying alone with them wasn't as bad as Brad and I originally imagined. We just talked about random things, and laughed. When Brad's aunts, bro, and cousin arrived we went inside and took a seat. The Graduation Ceremony was great... I took a ton of pictures on Brad's camera, since his has zoom. I was able to go up to the front of the auditorium to snap 2-4 pictures of Brad and Ryan getting their diploma's. Awh... Brad looked amazing, and did an awesome job with his lines. And just as I had been hoping and wishing for 2 weeks ago, I was cute cute lil proud girlfriend in the audiance. I am so glad things worked out like they did, I was able to be there. It meant the world to me, and plus some to him. After the ceremony we went outside to look for Brad. When we found him, he hugged his step dad, and they both got pretty emotional. I guess to fully understand you'd have to know how important school is to Brad. But, after he hugged his step dad, he came over and hugged me tight for afew minutes. It took alot to hold in tears, he was adorable, and I was (and am) so extremly proud of him. After that, he kissed me, and went to see the rest of his family. We took afew pictures of him and his family, and of course, a picture of him and I. I really can't wait to get these pictures developed. They'll be great. After the graduation ceremony, we went back to Brad's house to get changed. As adorable as we both looked all casually dressed and stuff, it wasn't exactly comfortable. Brad's brother, Brian, took us out to lunch. Isn't that sweet? After lunch, we headed back to Brad's house to chill a little before Brad's friend, Shannon's, graduation party. We cuddled and laid down for awhile, scary... it was only 1pm, and we were already exhausted. After awhile, we headed out to "The Valley" in Syracuse, to Shannon's graduation party. There really wasn't anyone at her party when we were there, mostly family, and afew friends. I guess everyone else wouldn't be coming til later, we ended up staying at her party til 5:30pm-ish. On the way back to Fulton, we stopped at Rite Aid so I could pick up a card for Smithers. We stopped by his house on the way to my house but he was out at another party. His mom told me that he just called, and he would be home soon. Matt came home and saw me... I gave him a hug and the card. We talked for a quick second, and I called up Tippy to give him directions to her party. We left Smither's house and headed towards Tippy's. I decided to call home to see if Hollie needed a ride or not. Of course, Hollie was out in the pool, and my dad said "well, just come over and ask her..." argh. So frickin' annoying, but we did. We came back to my house and asked Hollie if she needed a ride, and like I assumed, Hollie told us that Steve was picking her up around 10pm. So, no, she didn't need a ride. While I was outside talking to her, my dad came out and told me that Jeff was on the phone for me. I really didn't want to talk, but about 15-20 minutes later when I decided to go back in the house to use the bathroom, I realized the phone was still off the hook. I said "Hello?", and Jeff was STILL there. (Surprise Surprise...that guy has NO life). He said Hey, and then of course what I was afraid to hear came out... "Congratulations!"... I, again, had to fight back tears, and tell him how it was, and that I wont be graduating until January '04. I'm sure he felt like an ass, but honestly, as much as hearing "Congratulations" hurt... at least someone remembered me. We went back outside, and hopped in Brad's car, and headed over to Tippy's Graduation party. When we first got there, I didn't see any sign of teen's. It was all Tippy's family members, so I managed to find her mom and ask where she was. They were playing volleyball, so Brad and I went to find them. When we did, Dunn asked if we wanted to play. Brad joined Dunn's team, and I sat down in the grass. After 5-10 minutes of playing, everyone quit. Everyone left me sitting alone in the grass, except Brad of course. Brad and I walked over to a tree and sat down. I was upset. I came to this party, I was there for about 15-20 minutes now, and no one acknowledged that I was alive, let alone there. We sat there for another 15 minutes, and I became really pissed off. I decided to go tell Dunn that I was going to leave for awhile, and come back later that night. Brad and I left, and headed to Wendy's to get a bite to eat. For the third time in one day, I fought back tears. I was really upset. After we went to Wendy's we headed back to my house to chill for awhile. My parents were outside with friends of the family (Tim and Alice Allen... Yes, Tim Allen... go ahead, laugh it up...)... We stayed outside most of the time and talked to them, we also spent some time talking to the kids (Julie, Tim and Alice's Daughter... my sister and my cousin). I finally found Holl and asked her what time Steve was bringing her to the party, she told me that he was picking her up around 10pm, so Brad and I decided to wait for Steve, and follow them there. Brad showed my step mom, and family the Scrapbook his mom had made him for graduation. It's adorable, it has a million newspaper articles on the "Ants in Space" experiment, million's of awards given to him throughout his 13 years in school, and of course, many pictures. It's really cute. 10pm approached soon enough, and we went out to Brad's car to wait for Steve to show up. I asked Hollie who was camping out in Steve's tent, and she told me that it would be her, Steve, and Steve's brother, Josh. I told her that Brad and I would probably end up in their tent too, since everyone else was probably going to be wasted beyond belief. Steve finally showed up, so, we headed over to Hollie's house following Steve, so Hollie could get some jeans to wear. Of course, we spent about 10-15 minutes waiting for Hollie to find pants... Damn that child... It was dark.. Honestly, who cares about her pants!?! lol. Steve came over to Brad's car and gave me a hug. He also asked me earlier that night if I was at the ceremony because he didn't remember hearing my name. I hugged Steve back... He remembered me... Wow. Soon enough, Hollie came out, and hopped back into Steve's car with Steve and Josh... They said they'd see us in about 10 minutes, and we headed to the parrrrrrrr-tay. When we got to the party, I told Brad that I still wasn't positive if we were going to drink or not. Because, I wanted to be able to get home if I ended up getting pissed off again. We got our stuff outta the car and brought it into Steve's tent. We automatically claimed the left front corner of the tent (we found out later was a bad choice). We went out, I said hi to Dunn so he knew I was back, then we walked around and talked to people alittle bit. I still wasn't sure about staying so me and Brad decided not to drink. Eventually, I decided that if I got pissed off, I would just go into the tent and goto sleep. I asked Brad if he wanted a drink, and then I went up to get them. Cory was getting a drink, and asked if I wanted a Bacardi... I have never had it, but I decided to try it anyway. I grabbed Brad a Labatt's and took my Bacardi. We sat down and drank while talking to everyone. It was pretty fun at this point. Everyone was drinking and for-the-most-part sober. Soon enough, a couple drinks later, people started getting wasted. Bobbie-Jo was the first to vommit. She then got carried to her tent where she kept spitting up, and crying for hours. Brad and I sat down on the stairs and watched Josh and Steve play Beer-Pong with Cory and Megan. Tippy eventually was the next one wasted, although she didn't have a pile of "yuck" on the ground to prove it. She just got extremely ditzy. Next was Hollie, she ended up losing her alcohol in Tippy's toilet. At least she made it there, which is more than I can say for quite afew of the people at the party. Next was Steve and Josh, who at this time were singing to every song that was played, or dancing on chairs and tables. (They continued doing this until about 5am...). Next to go was Tyson, who first took Tippy's Step Dad's bike, and decided to ride it in the road. Not a good idea, he almost got hit, and ended up falling off of it and scraping up his knees. This pissed everyone off, so people tried to get him to bed. He eventually came over to the tent that Bobbie-Jo was in, handed Brad his beer and laid down. Tippy came over and started talking to him, and he was just completely outta it, saying that he "didn't steal the bike, he borrowed it... because he brought it back". Brad walked over and dumped his beer. Tyson wasn't too happy about that, but hey, he definately didn't need anymore. Slowly, people kept dropping like flies. Or should I say, stumbling... Anyway, Brad ended up having 3 Labatt's, and I had 2.5 wine coolars, a Bacardi, and a Smirnoff.
Around 1:30am Brad and I decided it was time for us to go lay down in the tent, and hopefully pass out. Brad had a very eventful day, so he was dozing off within afew minutes, but the music was way too loud for me, I ended up laying there until about 3:30am when they FINALLY turned off the music. Throughout the time between 1:30-3:30am, MANY people came into the tent to check on Brad and I. Most of the people there were so wasted, that they were worried that someone would end up dying... So, everytime people came into the tent I'd hear "awwh, they're sooo cute!" or "AWHHHH!!!! They're cuddling!". As I was laying down watching Brad sleep and being completely annoyed with the music, I saw this dumb little mosquito landing on Brad's face. I didn't wanna slap Brad in the face... lol. So everytime the mosquito would land, I would try to squish it with my thumb... But unfortunately this little bug wasn't stupid, he kept flying before I could squish him, and 5 seconds later, he would land back on Brad's face... I was getting pissed off I didnt want my baby to get bit on his face, so I sat up and waited for the mosquito to land again, when he did, I went to smush him, and he flew, so I quickly snapped both of my hands together and squished that dumbass bug. Stupid 'squito, no one bites my baby, 'cept me! *giggles* Jerrod, Hollie, and Steve came into the tent around 4am-5am, and were talking. I woke up, and heard them talking about the song "Right Thurr" By Chingy. Hollie started singing the "chorus" part, that goes "I like the way you do dat right thurr, right thurr..." and Steve said "it's not "thurr" it's "durr""... Jerrod argued on Holl's side, and said, "no, it's thurr". They ended up arguing over this for about 20 minutes, when Steve was finally like "Hey Brad, You're from Syracuse, is it "right thurr" or "right durr"... Brad woke up outta mid-dream, and just said "Dude, shut the fuck up and goto sleep". Many of you will be like "yea so what"... But we all laughed. It was hilarious... You definately had to be there. After that things began to die down... People went to sleep and it got quiet. I ended up falling asleep, but shortly after, I woke up and I was freezing. I got up, put on pants and my hoodie and laid back down. Finally, I was out for the night... errr... I mean, morning.

After what seemed like 10 minutes, I felt Brad get up, and people talking in the tent. After I realized that it was just Jerrod, Steve, Brad and Hollie. I closed my eyes and dozed off again. I didn't sleep much longer, because I realized that it was about 90 degrees outside, and I was curled up in a blanket, with shorts, sweatpants, a t-shirt and a hoodie on, sooo I got up too. It was around 7:30am. Brad and I went into the house where most people were. We sat there for a total 5-10 minutes and decided that we were going to come home and crash until noon. We packed up our stuff, and hopped into the car, and left. We came back to my house, I grabbed a ton of blankets, and made Brad and I a small little "bed" on my livingroom floor. We laid there, for a second and talked, and quickly passed out and went to Dreamland. Around 11:50am, I woke up because the TV was too loud, I woke up Brad and asked him if he wanted to get up or sleep longer, and he said he wanted to sleep alittle longer, so I set my alarm clock for 1pm. I laid back down, and immediately passed out. Brad ended up waking me up again at 12:55am, and said he'd have to go soon. So we got up and Brad called Ryan to find out if he was going to Adam's party, and if he was giving him a ride. I started picking up the blankets, and Brad was a sweetheart and ran outside to his car to carry in my stuff. Isn't he great? We then sat on my couch for a couple more minutes, until it was time for Brad to go. We went outside after a good 45 hours together and were forced to say "bye". *sniffle* It was super hard. It took a good 15 minutes until we were able to let go of eachother. I slowly walked back into the house, and Brad got in his car, and drove away. Really tough, but it had to be done. I missed him before I even shut the door behind me...

Brad, I'm so proud of you. Everything you are and everything you have done in the past is completely amazing. Friday night was amazing... and Saturday was completely undescribleable. Holding you after graduation felt amazing. You truly deserve everything that you've gotten. The awards, the congrats, the hugs and kisses, all of it, you have earned. Anything that makes you happy you deserve to have... and you're so strong-willed that you're willing to work to get what you want, unlikes some "yuppies" (*giggle* had to say it) that get everything handed to them. Thank you for watching out for me, and taking care of me last night. Everyday I spend with you, as your girlfriend, I learn alittle more about you, which makes me fall even more completely in love with you. I can't wait until we can spend every day/night together. 2 years, phew.. I'm starting to countdown now... Hopefully, time will fly by, and it'll happen in like no-time.. You're my everything, and I wouldn't trade my life with you for anything in the entire world. I can't wait to get my pictures developed... Of course, they're going to my "shrine dedicated to the best boyfriend ever" on my wall. You're so amazing, and I love you more and more as each and every second passes.

So here I am, a million memories, a thousand empty beer bottles, a hundred friends, and 2 amazing nights, and one "dream come true" later... And all I have to say is this... This weekend truly was great. I thought that the party was gonna turn out as a disaster, but it really didn't bother me as much as it usually does. I was able to drink, which is something I haven't really done in about a year and a month. It was fun. Like I said, being able to goto Brad's Graduation meant the world to me... and plus some to him. I love him so much, being there was amazing. Thanks to all the people at the party, who made it fun... Brad, Steve, Josh, Hollie, Jerrod, Cory, Bobbie-Jo, Tippy and Dunn. Although some of you (actually, most of you) were to wasted to even remember it... It was great.

Oh and by the way, just for the record... Steve, It's "thurr"... *wink*

(1 stars caught | catch a falling star)

Time is standing still... [24 Jun 2003|07:10pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Alright, obviously my last entry pissed afew people off. First off, I just wanna point out that the people that took offense to this entry were not the ones it was directed towards. So, No, I'm not sorry. Especially since you three are complete asses when you're drunk. As far as me judging people who drink? I don't think so. I have never judged anyone because they drink... I believe that I have known that one of you three have drank since I met you. Has that stopped me from getting to know you? I don't think so. I've talked to you for years. As number two, I am definately shocked. I'm not saying I couldn't picture you drinking, but getting wasted? I dunno, definately didn't expect that from you, but, again... did I stop talking to you? Nope. Did I judge you? Nope, I don't believe so. And number 3, I heard you got into drinking and getting high, alright, yeah, I haven't talked to you lately, but that wasn't the reason. We haven't talked in like, a year. It has nothing to do with that. We just stopped talking for no reason what-so-ever. All three of you have changed recently. I dunno what's up, but whatever. The entry wasn't written to offend ANY of you three, OR any who drinks or smokes for that matter... Honestly, I don't care what the fuck anyone does as long as they aren't trying to get me to do it too. The entry was directed to a certian person who promised me he wouldn't act like "friends" around here, and he did. He knows who he is, and the problem is over and solved now. None of this had anything to do with people who drink... It had EVERYTHING to do with how people act when they're drunk... Go figure. (Oh- and thanks for the voice mail, since it proved my point...)

Anyway, my parents had the meeting with the school people yesterday. Since lovely G. Ray Bodley High School fucked me over, I am missing two required courses for Graduation. Therefore, I will not be graduating until January of 2004. What a bunch of bullshit. Because of this, I have choosen to attend Brad's Graduation Ceremony on June 28th, instead of mine, that I wouldn't be in anyway. I just wanna take a second to say congrats to all of you who didn't get fucked over. I am sorry I wont be there to see you all walk across the stage, I hope you understand. It would be far too painful for me to sit through that. There are a few of you who honestly I don't give a shit about anymore, but some of you have became so close to me, that I feel like I am betraying you by not being there. Please understand. As far as graduation parties, I will be there. And, as far as mine, I might have mine in January. Who knows.

I guess that's all the updating I have for now.
Holla, L.

(2 stars caught | catch a falling star)

... and everynight we couldn't sleep... [22 Jun 2003|11:33pm]
[ mood | scared ]

N/A: u7yoo werd up..
N/A: i fuckin drunk.. hahas me ac dhric
N/A: pok i gotyta gho to bed now
N/A's Away Message: heheheh me anbd ***** are going to bed.. ause we erew drnyk.. leave one for the mornign... kk nigte nigte now.. s;eep[ tigt..

...Who the fuck are my friends?
I don't even fuckin' know anymore. I'm starting to realize that so-called "friends", well, aren't. Yesterday, I messaged one of my "friends" and told him that I was feeling depressed, and I needed someone to talk to, what'd he do? He went to bed. Now this. What the fuck. Honestly? What the fuck has gotten into everyone lately?! Every fuckin' one of my friends is going downhill. You're all out getting fuckin' wasted or high. Wicked fuckin' cool guys, really. Especially YOU... You told me you would never be like THEM we always used to joke around and say how we were the only "normal" people in Fulton. The only people who didn't need to go out and get drunk or high to have fun... Well, thanks for proving the theory wrong... Obviously, I am the only fuckin' normal one around here, and I am damn-fuckin' proud of it. I wont EVER be like them... or you...



Well, I find out about graduation tomorrow... I am so nervous, I have knots in my stomach, and my head is pounding, I feel extremly dizzy and weak... I have so many mixed emotions, and I really don't know how to deal with any of them. Part of me wants to hear "you'll be graduating next Saturday" the other part of me wants to hear that I wont be. I really dunno. I'm such a wreck right now. I wish things weren't this way.

Scenario #1 Gradute in June 2003
Positive - I get the fuck out, and never look back. I hate G. Ray Bodley High School. I've hated it for four years. One of the main reasons I wanna gradute is just because I don't wanna have to deal with the bullshit and drama that comes from that fuckin' school. I want out, sooo bad.
Negative - I miss Brad's graduation... It means a lot to him, and I want to be there more than anything. I am at the point where I hate my school so much, that even if I can graduate, I would STILL rather be at Brad's graduation... I wanna be there so bad... *sigh*

Scenario #2 Graduate in January 2004
Positive - I'd be able to goto Brad's graduation. I would be able to sit there and be a proud lil girlfriend. I am so proud of him, and I know this means a lot to him. I also know that he wants me to graduate, and wont be upset at all if I can't be at his graduation. I just wanna be there, so bad.
Negative - Going back to school for a few more months. It's hell in that place. I can't stand anything/anyone in that building now. I can't stand the way at looks, smells... I hate absolutely everything about it. I don't want to go back.

Now you all might understand why I am so torn. I can't even begin to tell you how much worse I would be if it wasn't for Brad support. I would be so gone without him...

Gawd, fuckin' help me... I just wanna get this all over with.

Lata, L.

(8 stars caught | catch a falling star)

These wishes I've wished... and these dreams I have chased... [20 Jun 2003|08:14pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

You know, I really wish people would make up their fuckin' minds... Before I start complaining, and venting about my normal day-to-day stresses... lemme tell you about my amazing day with my man yesterday! *big smile*

Brad came over around 11:15am. However, I had to wait for my step mom to get home from the store with a article of clothing I needed... *cough* bra *cough*... So, we hung out around the house until 11:30ish. As you all know, I've been having numerous problems with my high school about graduation, so Brad talked me into going over to my school, and talking to my guidance counsler. We went over to the lovely G. Ray Bodley HS... I went in to talk to my counsler, who left me with as much knowledge about me graduating or not, as I had walked in with. I keep getting the same answer "when I know, I will call and tell you"... Well, gawd damn, I would REALLY like to know if I am going to graduate or not, because rehersal is Thursday! Anyways, while I was in Fallesen's office, getting my head packed with more useless information, that helped me none, Brad introduced himself to Mrs. Corey (the only guidance counsler at GRB with a brain...). She's been one of the 2 people I have actually gotten along with at that school. They seemed to hit it off pretty well. He likes her. She's a great lady. We left GRB, and again, I felt like I had wasted 15 minutes of my time. Just like how I feel when I left after my final exam on Monday, 4 years... wasted. We hopped into Brad's car, and headed back to Da 'Cuse. Hehe. We decided to goto Brad's and chill there for the afternoon/evening. Spending time alone together, (according to me) is much better than hanging out at a mall or something... You actually have time to talk, and cuddle. We spent the next few hours doing that. Around 6:30, we headed over to Brad's J-O-B place, Doug's... and picked up some food to bring home. Brad also had the idea of picking up my mom some Lobster Bisque to "butter her up"... It worked. lol! We came back to my house, and gave my step mom her bisque. I ate some of the yummy chicken, that Brad doesn't think is too yummy (probably because he's worked there for years... haha). As we were sitting at my comp, talking to Ryan, my step mom called Brad and I outside... She happened to see a baby bird trying to fly. Of course, my little sister, Britt was amazed... and Brad and I went out to play too. (awh, we're such little kids...) We ended up playing with the bird for 15-20 minutes, and decided to go swimming in my pool. Brad ended up wearing a pair of my shorts... Honestly, they aren't even mine, I have no idea where they came from, they just ended up in my closet one day, and I was like "hmm... alright!" lol... They're light blue guys mesh b-ball shorts... soo hey, Brad wore em. lol. The pool was ALOT colder than I expected. We took about 15-20 minutes just getting in... Brad ended up going in up to his waist, of course, you all know how I am... a little baby water-bug. Haha, I ended up getting all the way in, but we didn't stay in the pool long after that. We came inside, and ended up going to my room, to talk to Britt, and watch 'SPIDERMAN'... (Gawd, I can't get sick of that movie!) Britt asked Brad and I to sign her yearbook, so I took advantage of that, and made him sign too. He wrote, "Laura, Sweet Heart, Hunny, Baby, Darling, I love you so much! I have never felt so great or more complete in my entire life. I never imagined it could be this great. It was weird how we met. It was strange that we met through the internet, but even stranger that we were introduced by my best friend who orginally had hopes of getting somewhere with you. It has also been....... interesting... that I stole you from "The Prophet" Benjamin who will recieve and ass pounding at the hands of my bat. The best time that we have spent together was mt prom night. Prom itself was ... intersting... I guess. I had the most amazing night however. Your Dinner Dance was a different kind of fun but it was still great nonetheless. I wouldn't have danced for anyone else. That dates that I will never forget are 4/16/03, 5/16/03 and 5/23/03. I love you so much baby and I am positive that we will have many more memorable dates to come. "Ghetto Prince" Brad Michael Miller"... Isn't be precious?! He made one mistake though, He didn't "steal" me from Ben... I left, willingly. Britt ended up playing with Brad's cell phone for what seemed like hours. I think she was amazed. Damn technology. I finally managed to get the cell outta her hands, and we went back to the office to talk. After afew minutes of chatting, Brad had to leave. It was getting late, and again, we ran into the problem of him having to drive all the way back to Syracuse. I definately didn't want to make him wait much longer, because he would have started to get sleepy. We went outside, kissed numerous times, and said goodnight. Spending time with him is an amazing stress reliever. However... Because of school, and other obstacles, I am not able to spend every waking second with him, so, when I was hit with a brick of more stress this morning, I was not surprised... Talking to him about it, helps SOOO much though... He's so understanding. I love you hunny, and thank you so much for keeping me semi-sane through all of this.

Yesterday, my step mom saw one of the Vet. Technicians at the grocery store. She told my step mom about one of the other Technicians that had just quit, and how she just had a baby. I guess my step mom figured that they needed a little help, so she asked the girl, Stephanie, and she told my step mom to have me come over sometime to talk to the Vet. I woke up this morning, around 8:30am. We had someone coming to check out our house (I dunno for what, I only live here...) My step mom asked me if I had planned on going over to the office today to speak to Dr. Spier, and I said "I dunno" so, she called, and Stephanie told her to have me stop over there as soon as possible. I got dressed and went over to the office. I figured I would be there just to speak with him shortly, and to see if he needed a little extra help... but when he saw me come in, he smiled and asked if I would like to stay for the morning. I was all excited, thinkin' that since he was a friend of the family, and knew how I run a farm in my own home, that he had already thought about it, and was thinking about hiring me. I told him I would love to stay for the morning and help. He ended up taking me into the back room, where they do surgeries. I spent most of my morning watching surgery after surgery. The first dog was a dalmation. I thought that this was going to be tough on me, because my dog is a dalmation. He sat her up on the table, and showed me how to hold her while he gave her an injection to knock her out. I did, and the dog was out within seconds. This dog had 2 cancer causing moles on it's side. I watched as he removed both moles. After, he found another under the dogs eye. He then moved that one too. I watched as he stitched up the holes, and laid the dog on a mat on the floor until she could wake up. The next dog, was a little beagle who I made friends with earlier. I knew that I was gonna have to watch the same thing with him afew moments later, so I decided it would be best not to get too attached. This dog (who was just getting outta her puppy stage) has an inflammed toe, and it had to be removed. I held the dog as he knocked her out too, and watched as he removed her toe. This was alittle more complex watching than the first, because he had to break a bone off, using bone sheers, and the noise is enough to make you vommit. BUT, this is what I wanna do, and I continued watching. After he was done, I watched him remove the bone joint, so the dogs foot wasn't as deformed looking, and stitch her foot back up. He then wrapped her foot in a cute little neon pink tape. He had me gently pick her up, and lay her on the mat until she could wake up. The last dog was probably the most "icky" of the three. She was a doberman, and had a growth on her stomach. Dr. Spier had originially thought that it was breat cancer, however, after we put her to sleep, and opened her stomach up, it ended up just being a clump of fat. 10 minutes before I had to leave, Dr. Spier had told me that he didn't need any employee's as of right now, but I was more than welcome to come back whenever to watch or help out. I was alittle upset. I felt like he just needed a free-hand to help him out for the day, and that's all he needed me for. But, Stephanie gave me "a look" that told me to come back... So, from what I got out of her look, and what my step mom thought too, was that he is testing me before he gives me a job. He wants to see how serious I am about this, and most likely, if I end up going back, and showing interest and keep coming, he'll see how serious I am about this, and will hire me. I am hoping that's how it will be anyways. I ended up leaving before he was done with the 3rd dog, because my ride was there to pick me up. I had a great time. I mean, most people would be like "how could you have fun doing that?!" But really, it was the best time Ive had doing something hands-on as a "job", ever. When I told Brad about everything that had happened he said he "thinks I found my calling". Me too. I loved it... OMG... It was amazing.

I came home, and the whole "graduating or not" topic came up. My step mom is on a rampage, because graduation is less than a week away now... and we STILL don't know if I am going to be allowed to be in the ceremony or not. I am stressed. I have a guidance counsler who is telling me "it's gonna be alright... don't worry."... I have a vice-principal, who is telling me "to wait it out, and we'll see what happens"... and I have a educational director, telling me "there is no way you're going to graduate this June". Yep, I know what you're all saying "Does anyone know what the fuck they're talking about?" ... That's EXACTLY what I have been saying for the past 4 years. And I know the answer now. OBVIOUSLY NOT! I am so stressed, but I have gone over all of the possible outcomes, and managed to find ways to be happy with each. And right now, that's all that matters to me... Keeping myself happy. Outcome #1, I might end up going to summer school... but, I will be able to graduate the 28th. The positive, I will graduate with my class, and on time. Outcome #2, I might end up returning back to the dreadful halls of G. Ray Bodley High School, and taking a course until January. The positive, I will be able to attend Fowler High School's graduation, and watch Brad graduate. This is as stressful on him as it is on me. As much as he wants me to be able to watch him graduate, and be there, he's upset that I will never actually have a graduation ceremony. None of this matters to me. I just wanna be there to see him. I'm so proud of everything he has accomplished. I really don't think he truely knows. Brad and I talked about the possible outcomes earlier this evening, and things ended up pretty emotional. To give you all a minor idea of this, here is a small part of the convo that we had :

Laura: if i have to go back to school in sept. i wont graduate until january. alone. They hand it to me.. no ceremony... what-so-ever. Which brings me to this.. if i dont end up graduating until january... i dont wanna goto my school graduation... im a cynical bitter bitch when it comes to having to watch something that I should be involved in too, and cant be... id seriously go nuts. so, if thats the case... hopefully i can get out to yours :-D, somehow... maybe if we do alittle talkage to the parents, i can stay at ur house the night before, if u want *wink wink* but it's all up to you. If u cant pick me up the night before.. or whatever.. but you want me to goto ur graduation, ill be there.
Brad: i am speechless at what you have just said
Laura: speechless as in good... or speechless, as in "shes nuts"?
Brad: speechless as in "i cant believe you just said what you said about your graduation and my graduation, that even if you couldnt go to yours that you would skip it altogether just go to mine and be with me"... im amazed.
Laura: honestly. that school has caused me so much stress, pain and aggravation in the past its not even funny... not to mention... 99% of the people have done the same... so, am i going to want to go, and sit through a ceremony that was meant for me, but i cant be in because they have fucked me over numerous times... and im gonna sit there.. probably feeling like shit.. and most likely go home and cry... or am i going to go, be a happy and proud GF... and watch my man do something that means the world to him?
Brad: not only in that way but you made it seem as though it wasnt a big deal or maybe that is just your way of coping with it
Laura: i really do care.. i am so upset that there is a possibility...LIKELY possibility I should say, that I wont be able to go through the ceremony and stuff... but obviously, if thats how it is, it's not meant to happen yet.. and i dont wanna sit through it, and cause myself some un-needed and unwanted pain...seeing you happy makes me happy... and i was pissed that i couldnt be there... but now theres a possibility that i might be able to be...
Brad: i could cry right now babe
Laura: and seeing someone graduate that cares about me as much as i care about them is more important to me than seeing 20 people graduate that i care about who (in return, most) dont give a shit about me...
Laura: im teary-eyed, so if i get you there, im sorry.
Brad: im there
Laura: i know how much it means to you.. and i just wanna be there
Brad: i dont think you will know how mean that means to me that you said that... you amaze me all the time, i cant believe how lucky i have gotten. I would give anything right now to hug you and hold you.
Laura: i'm all emo
Brad: me too babe, im not the emotional type but it was too much for me

Wow... *sniffle*. He's so perfect. I love him so much. I just want to be there to watch him speak at Graduation, I am so proud of him. Everything that he did with "Ants In Space" and just at school in general is amazing. I'm sure from all of the stories I have told you all, you know what, and who was involved in the "Ants in Space" experiment that was on the shuttle Columbia... Brad was a large part of it. I couldn't even begin to explain to you all the hard work and dedication he put into the experiment. I couldn't even begin to tell you the minor details. I really wish I could. He deserves his 15 minutes of fame, and he'll get it. As far as anyone who wants more details about the experiment or whatever. Get ahold of Brad. I'm sure he wont mind talking to you about it.

Baby, I wanna be at your graduation so bad. Right now, the chance is 50/50... I want more than anything to be there smiling at you... But, if I can't be, you know I'll be there with you in heart. Whatever the outcome, I know you will be happy with either. Thank you so much for being there with me throughout all of this. You've kept my hopes alive, and given me all the strength that I have needed to make it through day-to-day. You're my everything. You're my celebrity. Remember, I am sooooooo proud of you, and I am, and always will be, your biggest fan. I love you more than anything!

Well, now that I think I have just written a novel a little longer than "The Grapes of Wrath"... I think I deserve PLENTY of comments. Right now, It's time to end this entry...

Until next time, L.

(catch a falling star)

Her eyes, they drown in tears... [16 Jun 2003|09:47pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

I've learned one thing in High School... Life is bullshit. Honestly, you work your ass off, and one day, everything blows up in your gawd damn fuckin' face. I failed my Economics final. So, if I can't somehow manage to take Economics in summer school, I will be Graduating in January or June of 2004. I wont be allowed to be in the graduation with my 2003 class, and my life will be complete hell. Many thoughts have run threw my head today. Everything from completely saying "Fuck it" and dropping out to just going back for an entire year, and start all over again. It just pisses me off, I fuckin' tried. Freshmen and Sophomore year, my attitude towards high school was "I'll get threw it to make my parents happy"... When I realized that didn't work, my attitude Junior and Senior year changed to, "I'll get threw it to make myself happy"... Obviously, that didn't work either. So, I when Brad called me I was practically in tears, I told him what was going on, and he simply said "just learn from your mistakes and move on, it's like your second chance to make it right..." After my convo with Brad, I spent plenty of time thinking. School is extremely important to Brad, I guess none of you would really understand, unless you know him personally... But because of him, I've decided that whatever I need to do to get my ass outta high school is what I am going to do, whether it is spending my summer in a classroom, or spending a whole entire year back at G.R.B... This time, I'm not doing it for my parents, and I'm not doing it for me... I'm doing it for Brad.

While I was on the phone with Brad, I happened to remember that I left Gabi (my dog) outside, and I hadn't heard her kicking at the door to come back inside yet. So, I had him hang on a minute... I went outside and tugged on her leash... Her leash came back, with her collar... but, she wasn't on it. I ran around the house, and into my backyard... When I didn't see her there, I paniced. I called my step mom's beeper and left our number and 911, and then I called my sister at work. They both rushed home, by the time my step mom pulled into the driveway, Gabi was at our fence looking at her... I was pissed. First off, I was having a shitty day with the news about school, then all this. I was crying hysterically. Honestly, I was crying so bad that my sister and step mom said they could barely understand what I was trying to tell them on the phone. I went to the fence, picked Gabi up around her stomach and carried her from our backyard fence to my front door and let her inside. It's amazing what you can do when you're pissed off. Gabi isn't a small dog, nor is she a light one.

I figured since I was already in tears, and having most likely the worst day of my life thus far, I should take advantage of that, and ask my step mom for permission to spend the day with Brad tomorrow. However, she decided not to feel the least bit sympathetic, and without a second thought said "no". I looked at her like "I'm going to kill you if you don't let me..." and she said "I think we need to talk about this school stuff first..." *sigh*... I need to see Brad, he's the only person that makes my life worth living.

So, now after my tramatic day from hell, I am left with three unanswered questions. #1, Am I graduating June 28th with the rest of the GRB class of 2003?... Or am I a 5th year Senior? #2, Am I going to murder my dog, for giving me a fuckin' heart attack, when I was already under a massive amount of stress?... Or can I forgive her one more time?... and #3, Am I going to get to see my man tomorrow, so he can hold me and make everything alright?... Or is my stress level going to keep growing and growing until I fuckin' explode?

Stay tuned for the next episode of Laura's fuckin' dramatic life...

L.

(catch a falling star)

I... NEED... OUT! [14 Jun 2003|11:55pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]

I told Cole I would write an entry about the whole "luv" vs. "love" controversy. Unfortunately, I am not going to write a book about it, like I normally would... I have too much to write about tonight.

The simplest definition of love is "An intense emotional attachment". In the past, I have had boyfriends that got offended when I said "I love *insert friends name here*". So then I was forced to start using the I LOVE my boyfriend, and I LUV my friends, technique. Luckily, Brad is smart enough to know that the love I am talking about with him, is much different than the love I have for friends. I wrote this entry for a few reasons... One, Brad is far more mature than the past boyfriends, here's proof. Two, if I suddenly start saying "I love you" or "I love ya" instead of the normal, "luv ya"... Don't belt out by saying "Uh-oh, What's your man gonna say?!", or "No you don't."... And Three, don't stoop to the ultimate low of immaturity, and think that because I am saying "love" instead of "luv" that I am madly in love with you, it's nothing different than the "luv" I used 2 days ago... So, in short, I am trying to say this (using Cole for an example): I don't love Cole like I love Brad, but the fact remains, I love them both... Brad is my boyfriend, and I love him more than anything... Cole's one of my closest friends, and I love him too. It's just on different levels. Congrats, you've all made it out of the immaturity stage that was present due to my Ex-Boyfriend's immaturity levels.

Anyway, moving on... I talked to Brad yesterday about moving outta my house. But there are afew things that are stopping me now. One, I need a job to get money for someplace else to live... and Two, I don't want to live alone, I want to be with Brad. However, this is also impossible for (most likely) the next 2 years, since Brad will have to live in the dorms at Syracuse Univ. So for now, I have decided that I am going to stay at home, and get a job and start saving up for money that will hopefully be used for buying a nice apt/house in Syracuse for Brad and I in 2 years. I mentioned this to Brad, and I think he realized yet again how much I loved him when I mentioned living home for another 2 years, he knows how much I hate it here... But hey, saving up money to move out to be with him... the 2 years of complete and utter hell are going to be well worth it.

Today, I realized how hard the next two years might end up being. I'll admit, I wasn't completely overworked, but I can't deal with people dictating to me, and bitching, and yelling, and moaning, all fuckin' day long. I don't understand why I must clean the house at 10:30pm. It makes no sense to me what-so-ever. But, I did as I was asked, to prevent any further bitching and moaning. I had just sat back down, and my step mom say "I don't see why you can't help me in here"... So as I was getting up she said "you are so selfish". Umm... Laura, selfish? I fuckin' bend over backwards for people 24/7. I do everything in my power to help people out, and make them happy... Yet, I still get called selfish? So, what did I do? I sat back down... If you're gonna call me selfish, then I'm gonna show you exactly how SELFISH I can be. I needed to vent alittle, so I IMed someone who I thought would comfort me, maybe a tiny bit... Since I have been there quite afew times for him, What'd he say? "I really don't wanna hear it, I have no sympathy for you"... What the fuck? Just when I thought people couldn't possibly piss me off anymore tonight... I ignored it, I wasn't about to start another arguement that would have ended up pissing me off even more. I don't mind helping around the house, I really don't. However, I do mind doing a shitload for people who never bother opening their mouths to say a simple "Thank You". I'm not fuckin' Cinderella, nor am I a little puppet on a string, thank you very much.

BRAD: thank you baby
LAURA: for what?
BRAD: just for being yourself
^He always knows how to make me feel better...
I love you more than all the stars...

(6 stars caught | catch a falling star)

I dream about you all the time... [13 Jun 2003|07:22pm]
[ mood | thankful ]

I remember giving a speech to a friend about a month ago, telling him that before he left High School he should tell a certian girl how he felt about her. Call me a hypocrite, because I realized today that there are many things that I have left unsaid. Things that I honestly think should come out. Whether the people read them or not, I wont know... Maybe it's better that way, because I can tell you now, some of these "things" will make some of you cry, and other, it might make you want to kill me. This entry will be VERY lengthy... So for that, I apologize... These are the things I never got to say...

*YELLOW STARS* - SENIORS

David "DJ" Alliger - What can I say? You've been one of my closest and truest friends this entire year. You've definately become a "little brother figure" in my life, and you mean a lot more to me than I think you realize. I'll admit that you've pissed me off quite a bit, sometimes probably without knowing it, but I guess that's what "lil bro's" are for, right? Haha. You've always taken the time to listen to me when I've needed someone to talk to, and have always trusted me enough to come to me when you needed to talk. You're the youngest person at GRB that I can stand. You don't act like an immature little ditz, maybe that's why you're so easy to get along with. I'm always gonna be here if you need someone to talk to, or a shoulder to cry on. You're my "lil bro", and I'd be lost without ya. What else is there to say, I love ya!

*Sarah Heppell* - Wow, it's been forever! I believe, we became friends somewhere between 2nd and 4th grade. You're such a clown. You've always made me laugh. I'll never forget "LIMPY" and our Earth Science class Freshmen year. Wow, those were the days. Don't EVER change. You have the best personality, ever. I'll always be here for you when you need someone to talk to. Thanks for all the great memories.

*Joe Keller* - You were a smooth one. I remember 8th grade, when you snuck up to the front of the room in French class, and passed me a note to tell me you thought I was beautiful. I'll never forget that, or the time when you called me a "belle papillon" (beautiful butterfly). We've been through alot, and I just wanna say thank you for always being there for me. It's meant alot.

*Vaclav "Jerry" Kratky* - What can I say? I'm friends with an "import". Don't forget us when you go back to the Czech Republic. And I'm sorry if any of the "American Males" currupted you. lol, especially Eric.

*Eric Merkley* - We used to be close, but High School kinda tore us apart. I'm glad that I was able to make up for lost time on the Senior Trip. Being your rollercoaster buddy was a blast. And I'm sorry that I was "snoring" in your ear on the way home... I was sleepy. Stay Sweet, and never change.

*Tiffany "Tippy" Pollard* - My partner in crime! You're my sis the God forgot to give me. I'm always going to be there for you. We've definately had our share of up's and downs, but you'll always be my girly. I'll never forget our memories, especially the times we had away from everyone at home. (Quebec Trip and the Senior Trip!). Prom and After-Prom was a blast, I am so glad that everything turned out the way it did. I love ya, You're my sis for life!

*Becky Prevost* - We've been friends for two years now, I really dunno what to say. We've had some up's and down's too. There are times when I trusted you with my life, and others when I thought you were a complete bitch. Especially with the thing with George. You've still been mad cool overall though, keep that g-string in your pants!

*Tiffany Recore* - I've known you since 3rd grade when you were my violin stand partner. We've come along way. I trusted you with something I THOUGHT you had the common sense to keep to yourself, obviously not. You've also been a bitch on and off to me for the past 2 years, so I dunno. But just like Becky, overall, you've been alright. Good Luck.

*Jon Smith* - I really havent had the chance to get to know you too well, but from what I know, you're a really nice guy. Prom with you around was a blast, and I'll never forget the pixie stix and pepsi. Stay Sweet.

*Matt Smithers* - I never really had the chance to get to know you until the Senior Trip. Now I realize what I have been missing out on the past 4 years. You are the sweetest guy there is. I've known you for less than a month, and I'd already trust you with my life. You're so true, and trustworthy. I really hope we continue to get to know eachother better, and become much closer than we already are. Lay off those pixie stix, and the Pepsi... Good Times, Great Memories, and hopefully so many more to come! Luv Ya!

Matt Spano - Best Buds since "Wuzzzzzzzzzzupppp?!!!" haha. I think I have summed up all I needed to say in the page in your yearbook. So, I'm not gonna write the novel here... But I'm ALWAYS going to be here, and you know I luv ya.

*Steve Spaulding* - *MEOW!* I am so proud of you. You're definately still part of my family. We have so many memories, and you know that if you ever need a shoulder to cry on, I am here. I luv ya!


Amy Grant - Oh How The Years Go By

In our times of trouble
We only had ourselves
Nobody else
No one there to save us
We had to save ourselves
Mmmm

And when the storms came through
They found me and you
Back to back together
And when the sun would shine
It was yours and mine
Yours and mine forever

And oh how the years go by
And oh how the love brings tears to my eyes
All through the changes
The soul never dies
We fight, we laugh, we cry
As the years go by

There were times we stumbled
They thought they had us down
We came around yeah
How we rode and rambled
We got lost, we got found
Now we're back on solid ground, yeah
We took everything
All our times would bring
In this world of dangers
Cause when your heart is strong
You know you're not alone
In this world of strangers

And oh how the years go by
And oh how the love brings tears to my eyes
All through the changes
The soul never dies
We fight, we laugh, we cry
As the years go by

And if we loose our way
Any night or day
Well we'll always be
Where we should be
I'm there for you
And I know you're there for me

And oh how the years go by
And oh how the love brings tears to my eyes
All through the changes
The soul never dies
We fight, we laugh, we cry
As the years go by


Love You All, Always
L.

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